#GAZE 2018 Film Festival

[mlleclaudine]

En couverture de Vanity Fair: Noémie Merlant, portrait d'une actrice en feu

by Norine Raja - Vanity Fair France, July 24, 2024

Tragic, comic and now erotic: Noémie Merlant continues to prove that she can play anything, including a radically contemporary version of Emmanuelle.  But how do you reconcile sensuality and feminism in an era that leaves so little room for nuance?  Norine Raja asked her.

Suddenly, the interview’s soundtrack changes drastically.  At the café terrace where we're chatting, the lyrics of Maître Gims give way to an electro remix of the familiar melody of Bella Ciao.

Is it a sign?  The music seems to have anticipated Noémie Merlant's thoughts: «At one point, I felt trapped.  Now, it's like this song: freedom, freedom, freedom!»  she says to the beat of the chorus.  Has she reached the point of total emancipation?  «Not yet, but I’m getting there», she says with a smile.

On this June afternoon, the actress is back home in the Paris suburbs after having attended two festivals in a row – Biarritz and Nantes – to present her second feature film as director, Les Femmes au balcon.  Espresso started, unfussy outfit, bag casually laid on the floor, hair in a ponytail.  She weighs her words, relishes the silences.  Then, the next minute, she rivets you with her electric gaze and makes her point with total conviction.  Just try to pigeonhole her.  She’s got a 14-year career under her belt and as many different roles: a rebellious teenager in Les Héritiers (2014), a naive aristocrat in Le Retour du héros (2018), a trans man in A Good Man (2020).  «She's a perfect blend of precision and abandon», said Céline Sciamma, who directed her in Portrait de la jeune fille en feu (2019).  «She can play a powerful woman, but also hint at vulnerability», adds Audrey Diwan, winner of the Lion d’or for L'Événement (2021), who has just directed her in Emmanuelle – more on that later.

Because she remains an enigmatic figure in the public eye, no persona seems too outsized for her.  Think she’s limited to dramatic roles?  She displays unexpected comedic flair in L'Innocent (2022), in which she plays Louis Garrel's brash best friend: twinkling eyes, a mischievous attitude, raucous laughter.  Her feigned nervous breakdown in a highway restaurant is unforgettable.  The role (finally) earned her the César for Best Supporting Actress in 2023.  Audrey Diwan hasn't forgotten that performance: «Every time she smiles in this film, she turns the world upside down.»

That same year, the filmmaker was working on a remake of Just Jaeckin's Emmanuelle, the famous erotic feature film of the Giscardian era.  At the time, Noémie Merlant had never seen this landmark of 1970s sexual revolution, the first installment in a 15-part saga.  So she met the director without any preconceived ideas or images.  She was inspired by the character.  «She must be exhausted in her search for pleasure», she suggested to Audrey Diwan, who offered her the role before the meeting was over.  She insisted on watching the original film after shooting was done.  Her verdict?  «It's a disaster.  The first part is interesting, with this open relationship.  But then there's a storyline with Emmanuelle and an older man.  She gets raped in front of him...»

The film has aged badly, but the 2024 version is free of any misogyny.  The look and feel have been modernized.  Replacing the postcard Thai décor and its whiff of orientalism is a luxurious Hong Kong setting.  Not a young woman pandering to the desires of others, but an ambitious thirtysomething in the throes of self-discovery.  A complete reinterpretation, in other words.  I hesitate to ask: was she afraid to embrace this character and her sultry aura?  She dismisses the idea out of hand: «That never even occurred to me.  What interests me these days is working with women directors who are seeking to redefine representations of women, their imagination, their sexuality.»

Céline Dion, her idol

Sorority was Noémie Merlant's guiding principle, long before she became aware of or defined the concept of female solidarity.  The daughter of a pair of real estate agents, she grew up in Rezé, a town of 40,000 people near Nantes, in a happy household where television held center stage.  Evenings were spent watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and crying over Titanic, she admits with a touch of embarrassment.  Like thousands of French people, we'd like to tell her.  She is very close to her mother and older sister, who suffers from a disability.  To avoid adding to her parents' burdens, Noémie learned not to take up too much space.  After years of therapy, she's come to realize: «It's nobody's fault, just the dynamics imposed by society. And then, at the same time, school teaches you not to make waves, society tells women to be well-behaved.»

So she found other means of expression.  She was a soloist with the Nantes Conservatoire choir, and dreamed of following in the footsteps of her idol Céline Dion.  She also practiced ballet and modern jazz for ten years.  Her father was convinced that Noémie was destined for a career in the arts.  One day in the mid-2000s, he saw an advertisement for the Cours Florent and encouraged her to try her luck.  The 17-year-old was scared, but eventually let herself be convinced.  She headed for the capital, where the transition was rather brutal.  «When I arrived, I was thinking: “I don't know anyone, I have no culture... What am I going to do?”»  She compensated for her imposter syndrome with a thirst for knowledge.  Here she lists the directors she needed to catch up with: Bergman, Cassavetes, the great Italian filmmakers like Visconti.  And reading?  «There's nothing to be done about it, I just can’t», she says frankly.

At the same time, she pursued modeling to «earn money, even if you only got paid in clothes», she says pragmatically.  She did photo shoots, fashion shows, and trips without really thinking about it.  She didn't want to «bite the hand that fed her», and would realize only much later the full extent of the toll this experience took on her.  The «Shut up and look pretty», the memory of being sexually assaulted by a photographer, the feeling that her body was no longer her own.  To the point where she weighed only 45 kilos.  «That gave me a massive eating disorder, which I'm still trying to overcome.  I was anorexic-bulimic for almost ten years.  I'm not any more, but I'm still hypervigilant about what I eat, and I'm always careful not to let myself go.»

There was only one thing to do: get out of the fashion world as quickly as possible.  Sometimes, it's all about meeting someone.  In 2013, the actress auditioned for Les Héritiers, a film by Marie-Castille Mention-Schaar inspired by a true story.  It tells the story of how a teacher enrolls her most unruly pupils in a history competition, an experience that will change their worldview.  Noémie Merlant was 24, but looked young enough to play the class rebel, wearing a leather jacket and with headphones on.  On set, the filmmaker was impressed by her talent and intense presence.

Filming with Desplechin

A year later, another text message: «Would you be available to meet?  I'd like to talk to you.»  [Mention-Schaar] offered her the role of an average young girl, radicalized by jihadists, in Le Ciel attendra.  To prepare for the role, Noémie Merlant met with teenage girls in the process of deradicalization, and tried to understand their mindset.  «We found girls from all social backgrounds, cultures and religions.  For many of these teenagers, there was the feeling of being misunderstood by society, but also frequently the beginnings of anxiety about death and shame.  The desire for an ideal, for something unconditional, even in love stories.»  The film was released in a volatile context, less than a year after the attacks on November 13.  But the actress took a cleareyed view of this phenomenon, which she believed revealed youth in search of meaning.

This total commitment paid off: in 2017, she was nominated for a César in the Most Promising Actress category.  In an interview filmed around this time, she appears smiling and fulfilled.  Well aware, too, that the road ahead is fraught with pitfalls: «The hardest thing is to maintain self-confidence, even when you don't believe in yourself, or when you have periods of emptiness.»

What was Noémie Merlant dreaming of at this very moment?  When asked about whom she’d like to collaborate with, she almost mechanically cited Arnaud Desplechin or Abdellatif Kechiche.  She didn't know it yet, but the revolution would be born in a female microcosm.  In 2019, the young woman played a painter hired to create the likeness of an aristocrat (Adèle Haenel) in Portrait de la jeune fille en feu.  Céline Sciamma's fourth feature is an incredibly intimate costume drama: a manor house, a cliff overlooking the sea and just four characters.  At first, the actress was confused by the script: «Conflicts are nonexistent or immediately defused.»  The absence of dominance hierarchies unsettled her: there were no saviors or anyone being saved; there were creators but no muses.  «Just a gentleness and a wonderful equality.  And in spite of everything, there’s an exciting story full of surprises.  That's what makes it so powerful.»  A head-on collision between two great actresses, where their eyes meet, sizing each other up, caressing each other.  Like when Noémie Merlant’s character places a mirror between her lover's thighs, then sketches her self-portrait.

A box-office success across the Atlantic and a critical triumph, the film was in the running for ten awards at the 2020 Césars.  But on the evening of the ceremony, one name brought all the tensions into focus: Roman Polanski.  The director, who is currently facing several rape allegations, had been nominated in several categories for his film J'accuse.  French cinema had never been so fractured.  Adèle Haenel, who revealed that she had been molested as a child by director Christophe Ruggia, was in shock.  For her, honoring Polanski was tantamount to «spitting in the face of all victims».  No one heeded her: the filmmaker won the prize for best director, to the applause of part of the audience.  «Someone shouted: “Well done!” recalls Noémie Merlant.  It was clearly a response to Adèle's speaking out.»  In protest, the cast of Portrait de la jeune fille en feu left the auditorium, after shouting a resounding «Shame!»  In the wake of her commitment, Adèle Haenel announced her retirement from cinema in 2023.  Has Noémie Merlant thought about following her example?  «It wasn't easy to keep going, she acknowledges.  I admire Adèle's courage.  But staying is also a way of continuing the fight.»  The actress has no illusions about the seventh art.  No promotional newspeak, no generalities or shortcuts in her remarks.  Even when she salutes the «extraordinary people» she has worked with, she qualifies that with «but that's not always the case».  You get the sense that she is torn between the desire to talk about her difficult experiences and the fear of endless controversy.  She mentions «casting directors, actors, who promise you things».  How do you recognize them?  «Thanks to my experience as a model, I'm like a fish that spots the hook before the worm.»

Portrait de la jeune fille en feu «changed everything» for her.  She set off in search of more meaningful roles.  She reassessed her place not only in cinema, but also in the world.  She reflected on «patriarchal oppression», confronted the traumas that resurfaced.  «Even my relationship dynamic no longer suited me.»  She left her partner at the time and moved in with Sanda Codreanu, a friend from the Cours Florent.  She hesitates over the precise terms, but speaks of «escape» and «sanctuary».  In this haven, words flow freely and bodies are liberated.  They laugh as much as they talk about the violence they've suffered.  She, who used to move from one relationship to another, embraced a new perspective on relationships.  Why should romantic love count for more than friendships?  Why force yourself to have sex to please the other person?  Noémie Merlant now knows what she wants... or rather what she doesn't want.  These days, she's in a «healthy, unstructured» relationship.  She adds: «We're not afraid to experience things separately.  The important thing is that each of us is fulfilled.»

The Cate Blanchett method

Recovery also involves the body.  Onscreen nudity doesn't bother her.  «There are fewer and fewer actresses who agree to undress, which I understand.  But I don't have any issue with it, so I'm happy to go for it.  I think there are things to explore and advocate for in this freedom.»  She asserts her willingness to explore eroticism and sexuality through the eyes of other directors.  Female desire in all its forms is a common thread running through her filmography: she develops an attraction to an amusement park ride in Jumbo, plays a writer infatuated with a libertine photographer in Curiosa.

For a long time, sex scenes had been reduced to a few lines in a script and improvised on set.  In Jacques Audiard's Les Olympiades, the ballet of bodies is carefully designed.  Playing a thirtysomething woman who becomes fascinated by a camgirl, Noémie Merlant was coached by choreographer Stéphanie Chêne.  She learned to abandon dialogue in favor of her gaze and body language.  For the first time, she thought about her character's movements.  «It allows you to feel safe and to work with respect above all else.  And so you can go further, seeking precision through imagination.»  Farewell to the good little girl.  She avoids tyrannical filmmakers, those who push the actors' limits.  At one point, when a director tried to manipulate her to extract emotions, she almost walked off the set.  «I made him understand that I was making this film above all for pleasure and for creativity, and that I couldn't accomplish anything with that kind of method.  In the end, it turned out well, but I wish I hadn’t had to go through that.»  It was like revenge for all those outbursts she’d had to swallow.

Behind the camera, Noémie Merlant has also chosen irreverence.  In her second feature, Les Femmes au balcon, she imagines a Marseilles-style Rear Window, somewhere between comedy and outright gore.  The pitch: three girlfriends have fun spying on their mysterious neighbor across the street, with whom they develop a relationship that goes beyond exhibitionism.  It was difficult for her to find an actress who would agree to film naked, until she came across the luminous Souheila Yacoub.  One question nagged at her: how to film a body without sexualizing it?  First, by disarming the issue with humor.  «Right from the start, I give the viewer a heads-up: “Here you go, boobs.  Now that you've had a good look at them, let's move on.”»  She also uses the expression «shirtless» for women, a way of denouncing double standards.  There's no idealizing of her heroines' bodies.  She films them in their everyday lives, in positions that are not always flattering, and welcomes a touch of vulgarity.  «It's a form of sincerity as well.»

Taking risks is finally paying off.  In the last couple of years, Noémie Merlant has turned a corner in her career.  Like Marion Cotillard, Adèle Exarchopoulos and Juliette Binoche, she is now sought out by foreign filmmakers.  In 2021, Todd Field sent her the script for Tár.  And for a significant role.  She plays the assistant to a famous orchestra conductor, starring opposite Cate Blanchett – and speaking perfect English.  An intimidating experience?  Idolization is not her style: «It's important to demystify people who are in the limelight.»  Still, she took the time to observe Cate Blanchett in action.  The way she handled a complicated sequence shot or filmed the same scene twenty times without complaining.  Her ability to juggle lessons: piano, German, baton handling.  «There's no mystery.  It's all about the love of the craft, precision and the quest to relinquish yourself to the role.»  She adds, a bit idealistically: «Often the ones who succeed are also good people...  Not always, but I prefer to tell myself that.»

Yet Noémie Merlant has no desire to sacrifice her whole life for her profession.  For a long time, she took one role after another, as if for fear of missing out or being forgotten.  These days, her priorities have changed.  «I want to do Qua-li-ty», she says with a smile and a funny inflection.  Wouldn't this be a good time to enjoy it, too?  Her financial situation now allows her to help her family.  She has adapted her house to accommodate her father, who has been in a wheelchair since having a stroke in 2009.  She has helped her parents find a new home, and paid for outside help to relieve her «very exhausted» mother.  How does her father view her success today?  «He's very, very, very proud.  He tells himself that he was lucky, because it might not have worked out.»  He follows every step of her career, keeping track of every press article.  «He's definitely going to be handing out Vanity Fair to all his friends.»  You can sense her admiration for this close-knit clan, for their ability to face adversity.  A few years ago, she took out her camera to film them in their daily lives, around Christmas time.  She has started editing, but still has some work to do.  Recently, she went back to the rushes, but hasn't managed to finalize the project.  Perhaps it's too intimate.  I propose a hypothesis: what if she had primarily sought to freeze time?  She continues: «There's something interesting about the way they talk, the way they live, with a lot of humor and joy in spite of everything.  I want to share this story, because it can do a lot of people good.»  Could this be the next step toward freedom?

[Please don’t repost this anywhere, in part or in whole.  Feel free to reblog, or at least cite your source and provide a link back here.  Asking permission would be nice in an ideal world, but I’m a realist – I know far too well how easy it is to appropriate stuff on Tumblr.  I would be the first to admit that my translations are not perfect – there are some words and phrases that simply do not drop neatly into an equivalent in English, and I constantly fix typos and make changes or corrections in older posts – but they do take a lot of work and time.  Thanks for understanding. - C.]

h/t @morningmightcomebyaccident - thank you, Grey!

[wenella]

Zhu Yilong: A New Adventure is about to Begin

朱一龙：新的冒险即将开启

EN translation of Zhu Yilong's Harper's Bazaar June 2023 Cover Issue Feature Interview by wenella

2023 is a brand new year for Zhu Yilong. It is also a year full of possibilities.

The 35-year-old has started promoting two films that he starred in, namely “Lost in the Stars,” a suspenseful crime film produced by Chen Sicheng, which will be released soon, and “Only the River Flows,” a collaboration with Wei Shujun, which was selected for the 76th Cannes Film Festival’s Un Certain Regard category.

At the age of 35, Zhu Yilong is entering a phase that he has been anticipating.

He performs roles and writes new stories for them.

He is the person in the story, yet he is also the person who creates the story.

"I calculate time with my work."

Zhu Yilong calculates time with his works. Two movies a year. Ten more films later, he'll be 40 years old. This is how he counts.

Zhu Yilong was filming on his 35th birthday on April 16, 2023. He didn’t prepare for his birthday live stream but took the opportunity to chat with his fans on his birthday. He seemed a little nervous as he was doing the live stream alone. “Well, I don’t see anyone else while live streaming.”

Among the new generation of male actors, Zhu Yilong’s career trajectory is considered rather smooth; he learnt to play the piano in elementary school, enrolled in Beijing Film Academy to learn acting, and kickstarted his acting career in his junior year. After graduation, he garnered audience’s attention and support for his various drama roles. The web drama Guardian propelled him to popularity in 2018. In the show, he played three roles Shen Wei, Black Robe Envoy, and Ye Zun, and impressed viewers with his mature acting skills.

Yet, he also seems a little different from his peers. He seems rather mature for his age. Perhaps it is due to his shy, introverted personality, or the way he looks at people with his soft, glistening gaze in films, conveying sentiments that can only be spoken through his eyes. He is rather arty too and has performed Liang Bo’s “Boy,” Lo Ta-yu’s “Dream Chasers,” and Hedgehog’s “Cloud Bound Train” on stage. He doesn’t appear on variety shows and rarely does live streams. All these make him seem a little special.

In one of Zhu Yilong’s rare live streams in 2022, he sang the theme song of “Lighting up the Stars.” The film is a tragicomedy that deals with a unique theme; he plays Mo Sanmei, a young man from Wuhan who works in the funeral industry. After an encounter with a little girl, Mo Sanmei finds a sense of responsibility and the meaning to his life. In order to play this role well, Zhu Yilong experienced life in a funeral parlour and sported a buzz cut. “I love the joys of reunion and sorrows of parting; I love the everyday life in this world.” He has sung the film’s theme song on several occasions. Each time, he played either the piano or the guitar, with his head lowered, while articulating the lyrics in his deep voice clearly. Beneath his gentle demeanour, we see occasional flashes of Mo Sanmei’s defiance and enthusiasm.

Zhu Yilong said that there are so many film genres that he would like to try. “I want to work with different directors and try different acting styles.” As such, he feels the lack of time acutely. He wants to keep making movies. The sceneries of his journeys, the waves of the sea, the winds of the world…… he hopes to depict everything that he sees, encounters, and feels, through the cinematic lens.

In Zhu Yilong’s opinion, there is no distinction between the status of a film actor and a TV actor. It has nothing to do with status. Rather, making movies requires the actor to immerse himself in a totally different circumstance. “You will experience something different from your life, you will need to leave your comfort zone and experience a circumstance that you are unlikely to encounter in your life.” As an actor, he enjoys this kind of life. He said that being an actor has taught him to be reflective. He used to read scripts and find certain situations unreasonable. However, if he encounters such issues now, he would reflect to see if he finds the situation unreasonable simply because he hasn’t experienced something similar, or if it is one that he doesn’t truly understand.

“In fact, most of the time, it is most likely due to the fact that we haven’t experienced such situations before. Real life can be more dramatic and hyperbolic than in scripts.”

“Hiding behind his role and helping the creator to complete the work"

In May 2023, the film Only the River Flows, directed by Wei Shujun and starring Zhu Yilong, was selected for the 76th Cannes Film Festival’s Un Certain Regard section.

Only the River Flows was shot on 16mm film, making it a brand new experience for Zhu Yilong. Zhu Yilong described Wei Shujun as an extremely talented young director and they would often discuss filmmaking.

"The overall creative direction of this film, the acting style, and the way the plot advances, differ greatly from my previous films. Unlike regular movies that utilize character's emotions to create plot twists, Only the River Flows shows how the whole story and atmosphere changed the character instead.”

Zhu Yilong’s upcoming film is a commercial suspense thriller “Lost in the Stars.” He adopted a completely different way of acting in this film. “There are many types of films and there is no one way of acting that is necessarily more ‘superior.’ Different genres require different acting styles.” He said, “I was initially hesitant to accept the role when I first read the script because the character is highly complex. He often vacillates between different states – this character isn’t linear and I wasn’t sure how the role would be presented eventually. However, audiences might find this aspect thrilling because there are plenty of plot twists.”

Zhu Yilong spoke with the film’s producer Chen Sicheng many times and in great detail about the film’s production and expected outcomes. Chen Sicheng told Zhu Yilong that he wanted to make an extreme genre film. Zhu Yilong agreed with the mode of presentation and decided to join the team.

“I realised something very interesting.” After making Lighting up the Stars and Lost in the Stars, Zhu Yilong noted, “Transforming into a character isn’t only about changing a look, gaining or losing weight for the role, or simply growing long hair or a moustache. Rather, it is related to one’s understanding of acting. The transformation needs to be thorough. If I use only one type of acting method to take on different genres, I am just merely repeating myself and not really challenging different genres.”

On the topic of self expression, Zhu Yilong admitted, “It is difficult for an actor to express his world views through his character or performance.” He feels that an actor is only a medium. A film is constituted by its director, lighting, art…… and many other creators; the actor is just one aspect of the entire creativity process. Therefore, he doesn’t seek to express himself through the lens. Rather, he hopes to help every creator and director to realize their work and to present their vision as holistically as possible – a film isn’t merely about what an actor has to say to the world.

Zhu Yilong, who wishes to remain hidden behind his role and avoids repeating himself, is striving to do his best in every step he takes. He shows us how an ordinary person can gain recognition through hard work, one step at a time.

"Allowing myself to be more relaxed"

When Zhu Yilong isn’t filming, his life is quite boring. He admitted that he is an introvert and said, “My lives in films are so exciting. I’m actually quite tired each time I wrap a film. So I just want to keep things simple and comfortable; I will be more than satisfied just to get enough rest.”

Zhu Yilong is 35 years old. He is considered to be at his prime, though not necessarily young anymore. However, his smile, eyes, and posture, still exude a youthful charm. On his birthday, he said that he didn't want to celebrate, but he would like to make a birthday wish. When we asked him what he would like to say to his 40-year-old self, he said, “I don’t want to talk to my 40-year old self. Time is passing so quickly. I don’t feel like 40 years old is a distant age. Time passes very quickly when one is busy.”

A few years ago, Zhu Yilong thought that getting less exposure and not going on variety shows could help to preserve an actor's mystique. But he thinks differently now. “Everyone has the right to choose how they want to live and everyone has the right to choose their acting style. There is no hard-and-fast rule regarding acting. If they feel comfortable or enjoy participating in variety shows as part of their job, why not?”

These changes happened over the past two years. Previously, Zhu Yilong would think, “I aspire to become this type of actor, I will work hard in this manner, I will go to this extent for my role…” However, he feels that it doesn’t really matter anymore. “As long as it isn’t something calculated or deliberate, I think it is fine,” he said with regards to what type of acting he preferred and the goals he hoped to achieve.

“I just want to let my acting be more natural, I want to be more relaxed. I don’t deem my roles as pathways to quick success nor weigh the advantages of each role I play. I don’t think about what I can get from a role.”

“I don’t want to seek approval or recognition for the characters I play or my acting style. I don’t think too much about this issue. I just hope that I am able to enjoy the process of creating my roles, of emptying and transforming myself into my character as much as possible.”

For him, every performance is a door.

The completion of a work is not the end, but the door that leads to his next adventure.

[shelleytheodore]

CV

SHELLEY THEODORE Born in Brisbane, Australia Lives and works in London, Barcelona and France https://shelleytheodore.tumblr.com/ https://www.axisweb.org/p/shelleytheodore/ EDUCATION 2012 MA Visual Art (Fine Art), Camberwell College of Art, University of the Arts, London 1995 Bachelor of Fine Art (Hons), Goldsmiths College, University of London 1992 Dept of Continuing Education, Goldsmiths College, University of London, Certificate in Art 1980 Bachelor of Social Work, University of Queensland, Australia SELECTED EXHIBITIONS AND PUBLICATIONS 2022 Artist Feature Special Issue: Best Artists of 2022 Magazine 43, Hong Kong 2022 Magazine 43 Film Friday featured artist April 2022 https://magazine43.substack.com 2021 Deptford X Festival, Art in the open Supported Application Guide shapeslewisham introducing@shelley_theodore 23 March 2021 Deptford London 2021 Post Analogue Labyrinth IV, virtual exhibition, https://www.artsteps.com/view/ 6092eeaca33cc06fe89a823f 2019 Post Analogue Labyrinth Ill, as part of DEPTFORD X FRINGE, AAJA Deptford 2018 Post Analogue Labyrinth 11, Sister Midnight Records 4 Tanners Hill London Gaze, Axisweb: Contemporary Art UK Network, online exhibition Aesthetica Issue 81, p157, Artists' Directory, Published on Jan 24,2018 2017 Drawing Open, 26 -28 May, No Format Gallery, Arch 29, Rolt Street, Deptford 2016 Prison Drawing Project, Dean Road Prison, Scarborough, UK Artrooms Fair 2016, Melia Whitehouse Hotel, London 2015 Uncertain States Annual, Mile End Art Pavilion, Mile End 2014 Pala, an online digital program of artist's film and video works curated by Laura Mansfield 2013 Bloomberg New Contemporaries 2013, Spike Island, Bristol, and ICA, London 8 STUDIOS FROM HERE, Faircharm Studios, Deptford Postcard From My Studio, Acme Project Space 44 Bonner Road, Bethnal Green, London 2012 Crash OPEN, Charlie Dutton Gallery, 1a Princeton Street, London The Salon Art Prize Exhibition 2012, Matt Roberts Art, 25b Vyner Street, London Jerwood Drawing Prize Exhibition 2012, Jerwood Space, London No Now, Space Station Sixty Five, Kennington Bend over Shirley, Beaconsfield Contemporary Art 2011 CCW Artist Moving Image, HMV Curzon, Wimbledon 'Chain letter' worldwide exhibition 2011, GIBSMIR family, Zurich, Switzerland. Flash in the Pan, curated by Naomi Sidefin and David Crawford, Beaconsfield Contemporary Art The Unsung Heroes of the studio, ASYLUM, The Chapel, Caroline Gardens, Peckham 2010 Peckham Space Open, Peckham Space, Peckham Deptford X Fringe Award, Deptford X Fringe Nunhead Open Art Exhibition, The Surgery, Nunhead 2009 Creekside Open, selected by Mark Wallinger, APT Gallery, Deptford Creekside Open, selected by Jenni Lomax, APT Gallery, Deptford 2008 London Art Fair, Islington, Beverley Knowles Fine Art 2007 London Art Fair, Islington, Beverley Knowles Fine Art RESIDENCIES 2022 Studio Residency, San Quirze Safaja, Barcelona 2021 Photography Workshop with Architect Lisa Harmey and architecture students University of Cardiff, UK 2015 'Backs to the Future' Residency, FIVE YEARS 66 Richmond Studios, 8 Andrews Road, E84QN 2014 2014 LUX Critical forum, London 2012 Gasworks Curatorial Workshop, Gasworks 2011 Urban fabric 2 (UF2) Paradox Conference, Crawford College of Art and Design, Cork, Ireland 'Sculptural Drawing Collaboration', The Woodmill Project Space, Bermondsey

[feliciagarrivan]

Petra Collins

CV

Petra Collins is a multi-talented artist and director whose photography set the stylistic tone for much of the 2010s. Shooting since the age of 15, her work is fueled by self-discovery and a contemporary femininity which explore the complex intersection of life as a young woman online and off. Collins weaves through the worlds of art, fashion, film, and music. She is currently working on her narrative feature debut set to shoot in 2021.

Books

2021

Fairytales Rizzoli, 1st edition, 152 pages, Hardcover, 9 x 11

Fairy Tales is an erotic folklore of short stories shot by Petra Collins starring Alexa Demie. The pair created the concept and text collaboratively. Alexa portrays nine characters that embody new stories they would have liked to see. As children, Petra and Alexa were both enamored with fairy tales, which provided an escape from their own painful realities.

Each of the nine tales are set in unique spaces, ranging from suburban homes and parking lots to fantastical sets. Petra and Alexa’s chapters of elves, mermaids, sirens, water sprites, fallen angels, fairies, witches, and banshees blend their own stories with retold fairy tales. The photos combine elements of camp, prosthetics, and shibari in a surreal update to the imagery of the Brothers Grimm, Hans Christian Anderson, Charles Perrault, and others.

2020

Miért vagy te, ha lehetsz én is? Baron Books, 1st edition, 166 pages, Hardcover, 22.00 × 28.50 cm

With the book’s Hungarian title Miért vagy te, ha lehetsz én is? Collins asks us: Why be you, when you can be me? Collins uses the camera as the third person. It captures historical truths (such as a time and place) and an emotional reality with a complicated relationship to intention and perception. Working with the sculptor Sarah Sitkin, Collins creates moulds of her body as well as her sisters to gain ownership, in a world where our bodies live in multiple realities. This new body of work features Collins first experiments with self-portraiture.

2019

OMG, I’m Being Killed SUPER LABO BOOKS, 1st Edition, Soft Cover.

In a world where filters give us solace, OMG! I’m being killed, is the baby that was birthed in response to 2019. This book is Petra’s ultimate fashion magazine – one that she feels is a good representation of the truth about the age we live in. Filled with unpublished editorials and new works this book offers horrendously satisfying images.

2018

SIX BY XX Nazraeli Press, 1st Edition, Hardcover

The six titles (and print image sizes on 11 x 14-inch paper) are: * Petra Collins: “Kamasz Nyar” (print image size 14 x 11 inches – no border) * Lalla Essaydi: “Lalla Essaydi” (print image size 12 x 9.5 inches) * Marilyn Minter: “Cunt” (print image size 11 x 14 inches – no border) * Catherine Opie: “Girlfriends” (print image size 8 x 8 inches) * Laurie Simmons: “How We See” (“Doll Girls”) (print image size 13.5 x 9.5 inches) * Mickalene Thomas: “Black is Beautiful” (print image size 13.5 x 10.5 n inches)

2017

Petra Collins: Coming of Age Rizzoli, 1st Edition, Hardcover

The first monograph by photographer Petra Collins presents the world of a thoroughly modern creative.

2015

Babe Prestel, 1st Edition, Hardcover

Curated by Petra Collins, featuring artists Arvida Bystrom, Harley Weir, Sandy Kim, Jeanette Hayes, Kristie Muller, and more. Forward by Tavi Gevinson.

Discharge Capricious. 1st Edition, Softcover

Select Exhibitions

2018, Pacifier (solo exhibition), CONTACT Photography Festival, Toronto 2017, A Magazine Curated By (solo exhibition), Art Basel Hong Kong 2017, In Search Of Us(curated), MoMA, New York 2017, CUZ THE GRASS DON’T GROW GREENER AND THE SKY IS BLUE, Praz-Delavallade, Paris 2017, A Magazine Curated By (solo exhibition), Art Basel Hong Kong 2016, FEMALE GAZE, BASE , Milan 2016, The Collective,Uncontaminated Art Festival, Oslo 2016, 24 Hour Psycho” (solo exhibition),Evergold, San Francisco 2016, Sans Titre,Quai de la Tournelle , Paris 2016, Comforter (curated),SFAQ Project Space, San Francisco 2015, Pussy Pat,Mud Guts, Brooklyn 2015, Discharge(solo exhibition), Capricious 88, New York 2015, It’s an Invasion, The National Arts Club, New York

[subbanshee]

Sparky ／ 小 灵 子 from Dian Liang on Vimeo.

Sparky likes to gaze out of the window, to see every possible or impossible thing.

* Awards: **BEST U.S. FILM** - GLAS Animation Festival / 2019 **BEST EXPERIMENTAL FILM** - Animation Block Party / 2018

* Official Selections : *OFFICIAL SELECTION - 15th Animation Block Party / 2018 / Brooklyn, United States *OFFICIAL SELECTION - Les Femmes Underground Film Festival / 2018 / Phoenix, United States *OFFICIAL SELECTION - San Diego Underground Film Festival / 2018 / San Diego, United States *OFFICIAL SELECTION - Kolkata Shorts International Film Festival / 2018 / Kolkata, India *OFFICIAL SELECTION - KLIK Amsterdam Animation Festival / 2018 / Amsterdam, Netherlands *OFFICIAL SELECTION - Ann Arbor Film Festival / 2019 / Los Angeles, United States *OFFICIAL SELECTION - Slamdance Film Festival / 2019 / Utah, United States *OFFICIAL SELECTION - GLAS Animation Festival / 2019 / Berkley, United States

[sinfulwrites]

MASTERLIST

Hi everyone

This is the masterlist for all my works. I'll try to keep it as updated as I can.

Key: Any links with red text means it's NSFW unless stated in the actual link itself. (i.e, the word NSFW being used. V will be used next to links with Vincent only, and B will be used for Bo.)

JOJO'S BIZARRE ADVENTURE:

Risotto's NSFW alphabet

Melone's NSFW alphabet

Prosciutto's NSFW alphabet

Ghiaccio's NSFW alphabet

Formaggio's NSFW alphabet

Illuso's NSFW alphabet

Pesci's NSFW alphabet

Sorbet and Gelato's NSFW alphabet

Squalo and Tiziano NSFW alphabet

Bruno Bucciarati's NSFW alphabet

SLASHERS:

Multi-slasher:

Calling them by their first name again

Could I borrow your coat?

Surprising them with nipple stickers

Can you smack their ass?

Unwanted guest

Hand appreciation

Touching them for the first time (part 1)

Touching them for the first time (part 2)

How do they sleep?

Talking about old crushes

How they show their love

Flaws Flaws pt 2

S/O who can't cook

Kissing prompts 4, 48

[PULL + MELT]

A S/O who doesn't like the killing

Suprise Injury

Oh, by the way...

Halloween Festivities

Favorite Sex Positions

Jason Voorhees:

Kissing prompt 43

Ruin me

[GIVE]

[GAZE]

Jason Voorhees NSFW alphabet

Michael Myers:

1978-2018

Roadside service

Shopping with the boogeyman

Please hold me

Nice shirt, short skirt

Nightmare comfort

Short and sassy

Too old for this

Talking is hard

Kissing prompt 39

RZ Michael Myers NSFW alphabet

Peepaw NSFW alphabet

Peepaw SFW alphabet

Sinclair brothers:

S/O with a tongue piercing

Film rated R (V)

Sinclair cock warming

A beautiful stranger (V)

Kissing prompt, 22 (B)

Kissing prompt 42

[INTERUPPT] (B)

[EMBRACE, CATCH, AND CARESS] (V)

[GIVE](B)

Bo Sinclair NSFW alphabet

Thomas Hewitt:

I love you, and you deserve it

Down down down, in the Hewitt house

Packing Thomas's lunch for him

I mean, your children

[GENTLE]

A heart made of sunflowers

Asa Emory (The Collector):

[HELP + TOUCH]

[RIDE + HELD]

Asa Emory NSFW Alphabet

Asa Emory prompt ask

Jesse Cromeans/Chromeskull:

Chromeskull has entered the chat, ch.1, ch.2, ch.3, ch.4, ch.5 , ch.6 , ch.7

[queermediastudies]

José, A Look at Being Queer in Guatemala

José, directed by Li Cheng and winner of the 2018 Venice Film Festival’s Queer Lion, follows José, a closeted gay 19 year old who lives with his mother in a small apartment in Guatemala. José’s mother is a religious woman who sells meat pies at a street market, she is loving but is also slightly manipulative as she frequently tells José she needs him by her side and does not know what she would do without him.

In the film we see that José works at a bustling street corner for a restaurant, waving cars toward the restaurant so that he can carhop food to them. He spends his break glued to his phone, which provides him a lifeline, through a “Grindr” like app it acts as the door for him to express his otherwise repressed sexuality. Through this app José meets Luis, an Indigenous construction worker from coastal Izabal, who lights a spark that is not only physical but also emotional. For it is not until José meets Luis that we ever see him smile, José almost seemed like a passive character in his own life until his relationship with Luis begins. The two meetup in a flophouse that rents by the hour; only behind closed doors, away from the gaze of others can they truly show each other affection, though they are surrounded by affectionate heterosexual couples everywhere else they go. In the conservative, heteronormative, and strongly religious city of Guatemala, José and Luis must hide their love. However, despite their best efforts to keep their romance a secret, José’s mother suspects him of having a hidden romance and after catching him leave with Luis on a motorcycle she meets with Luis’s mother to tell her she thinks Luis is a bad influence on José. But where did the pair go that motorcycle? To the flophouse? No, this time they went to the remote countryside, this is the first time the audience sees plants and vegetation in the film, being a metaphor for José’s relationship with Luis breathing life into him. 

While riding to the countryside we are able to see the pair share an intimate moment, Luis kisses José’s neck while he drives, all while being out in the open; the quiet countryside granting them this small moment. However, after they get back and José lies to his mother about where he has been, her suspicions are unspokenly confirmed. The next time they meet Luis asks José to run away with him. He offers to use his experience as a construction worker to build them a house in the countryside, an opportunity to leave the city and enjoy life together. But José was content with his double life here, after all, how could he leave his mother behind? Ultimately he turns down Luis’ offer and goes home. After this Luis is nowhere to be found, José searches for him at their usual meetup points but he isn’t there. The life that the relationship brought José slips away and he becomes depressed. We see José hook up with a couple more men from his dating app but eventually he can’t bring himself to continue these hookups, the loss of his relationship with Luis still wearing heavy on him. Eventually José’s mom convinces him to go stay with his grandmother in a rural village. She tells him the story of how her husband disappeared, inspiring José to ask around town if anyone knows Luis. When he gains no leads he heads to a Mayan ruin, which acts almost like a resting place where his relationship has been buried. After mourning the loss of Luis one last time he gets a ride from a, presumably, queer man to the bus stop, potentially signaling a new relationship or at the very least that he is moving on. 

José depicts what life is like for so many closeted individuals in not only Guatemala but Latin America in general. Showing how overbearing heteronormativity, religion, and family values can be on young closeted individuals.

In almost every scene out in public, from José’s workplace, to him making his way through the busy streets of Guatemala, a heterosexual couple can be seen in frame. 

This can be read in a couple different lights. One being that José is envious of these couples ability to be affectionate in public while he has to hide his love, and the other highlighting the culture of heteronormativity in Guatemala. Guatemala is depicted as a place with strong religious beliefs, seen through José’s mother and through various church scenes and preachers on the streets or buses. This religious importance makes it “wrong” to stray from God’s word by doing something like being queer. It presents a threat of ostracism, punishment, and violence that makes heterosexuality compulsory (Butler, 2016, p. 77-78). Cheng’s decision to show so many heterosexual couples in the background helps the audience to understand the culture of heteronormativity that is prevalent in Guatemala.

In addition to the themes of heteronormativity and religion, family values also shine through. Throughout the film we see José care for his mother, when he gets home from work and hands her all his money we can see that taking care of her is truly important to him. We also see how she takes care of him, she hands him back some cash to spend on himself, and cooks and cleans his clothes. 

However, the dynamic is not entirely healthy, José is effectively held down by his mother’s need to have him around as well as kept from expressing himself due to her strong religious beliefs and homophobia. However, despite this, and despite José seeming to know that he won’t ever be able to be his true self under the same roof as his mother, he chooses to stay with her as opposed to running away with Luis. Cheng discussed in an interview that when conducting interviews with queer youths across Latin America to use as a foundation for the film many interviewees expressed that they would rather stay with their mothers than run off with their lovers; because of this he wanted to depict what the realistic choice would be for so many closeted individuals in Latin America as opposed to having José abandon his family values and run off with Luis. This importance of family, while quite different, can also be seen in Moonlight. Both Hutchinson (2017) and Als (2016) discuss the importance of family, especially as one grows up. They express that family isn’t always perfect, Als goes as far as to say that Chiron’s mother is “awful” (Als, 2016), but that having guardians that take care of you is crucial when growing up. For Chiron this was Teresa and Juan, for José it is his mother.

One thing that is potentially problematic about José is its director. 

Li Cheng is not Guatemalan, he is Chinese. While he did conduct extensive interviews with queer youths across Latin America for the film and lived in Guatemala for two years to conduct research it is still curious that the film is not directed by someone from Guatemala. This makes me question the authenticity of the culture that is shown in the film, especially in regards to the director’s understanding of the religious culture as well as family values in Guatemala. In addition, I am unsure as to if Cheng himself is queer, I have looked into interviews and was unable to find any information on his sexuality. Though there is some queer representation in the film as Enrique Salanic, who plays José, is openly gay. I find it interesting and potentially problematic that a film depicting the lives of a marginalized community is not told by that community. This is a concern that is also voiced by Tourmaline where she discusses that we should “not just think about what we want to see represented on screen, but also how we want those images to be made and stories documented in the first place” (Tourmaline, 2017).

It is important for me to note that I myself am not Guatemalan, instead I am Coast Salish, Mexican, and queer. In this way my review of this film and its depiction of life in Guatemala does not come from lived experience. In addition, I am not fully qualified to critique Cheng’s ability or qualifications to direct this film. However, being part Mexican I do have some understanding of how important catholicism is to Latin American families, I also understand how important the closet is, especially when one is surrounded by a religious community. Overall, I am glad this film exists. It highlights how heteronormativity, religion, and family values all play into the lives of queer Guatemalan youth.

References

Als, H. (2016, October 17). “Moonlight” Undoes Our Expectations. Retrieved from https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2016/10/24/moonlight-undoes-our-expectations

Autori, G. degli . (n.d.). Young people in Guatemala are ready to change. Retrieved from https://cineuropa.org/en/video/359866/

Barker, M.-J., & Scheele, J. (2016). Judith Butler. In Queer (pp. 77, 78). Icon Books.

Hutchinson , S. (2017, March 6). Moonlight, Black Boy and Teachable Moments. Retrieved from https://www.thefeministwire.com/2017/03/moonlight-black-boy-teachable-moments/

Tourmaline. (2017, October 11). Tourmaline on Transgender Storytelling, David France, and the Netflix Marsha P. Johnson Documentary. Retrieved from https://www.teenvogue.com/story/reina-gossett-marsha-p-johnson-op-ed

[wiypt-writes]

Riding High

Ch17: Welcome to Miami

 Chapter Summary: Frank, Fliss and the Circle Of Truth take a Road Trip….

 Chapter Warnings: Bad Language words. SMUT (NSFW) No under 18s!!! 

Chapter Pairings:  Frank Adler x OFC Fliss Gallagher

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Fliss Gallagher and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Riding High Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter 16

 June 2018

“How’s Fliss?” Gregg asked as Frank leaned back in his chair, hand curled round his bottle of beer.

Frank looked at his friend and took a deep breath “She says she’s ok. I think it’s the waiting that’s the worst. Knowing the board’s been held is one thing, not knowing the outcome….” “I know it’s hard and easy for me to say this but…well, even if he gets out he won’t be allowed anywhere near her. As I explained to her likely hood is he’ll be tagged and on a curfew and movements restricted to the state of Mass.” Gregg took a sip of his drink “And if it isn’t done automatically, through the appeal process I can file for further restrictions as well around him contacting her in any way, shape or form…but I’d be surprised if that isn’t a condition.”

“I know.” Frank said, “And she gets that…I think it’s more anger about the whole thing now you know?” “It sucks.” Gregg nodded “He spent so long abusing her and he’s still managing to do it in a way through all this.” Frank raised his eyebrows and took a drink of his beer, nodding to Jake and Simon as they approached their table.

 “I know I don’t need to ask but…” Frank started but Gregg raised a hand. 

“You’re right, you don’t.” he understood immediately that Frank was asking him to keep quiet, and he nodded as their two friends arrived at the table. After the greetings they all settled down reaching for a beer from the bucket that sat in the middle of them all, the conversation easy. Frank was happy to see the boys, he hadn’t in a few weeks so he’d grabbed the opportunity for a few beers happily, Fliss and Mary practically shoving him out of the door as they had some girly night in planned with Roberta consisting of popcorn, pizza, facemasks and a Marvel DVD, Fliss and Roberta assuring him whole heartedly they were watching it because it was a good film and not merely to perve on Chris Hemsworth or Evans or whoever the hell the Chris was in this particular one.

Whatever, sweetheart.

 “So…” Simon said, looking around the table “Are we still on for a weekend somewhere? 22nd to 24th June?”

 They all made noises, and Frank nodded. “Schedules cleared, baby sitter lined up…we just need to decide where we’re going.”

 “Well, I got something to suggest to y’all…” Jake grinned “Greg already knows about this, but basically, the Company we’re doing the promotional work for has offered us up to 10 each for the Miami Rocks Concert which runs that weekend....so if you’re interested.”

 “Rock music?” Simon looked at him, and Jake shook his head.

“Not just rock.” he said, leaning forward “It’s a combination of tribute acts and the real deal…and there’s different stages each with a different genre, and the main stage which contains the big acts.” “Ok, I’m interested…” Frank leaned forward.

 “So the Friday night is a rewind to the 70s, 80s and 90s… headlined by none other than Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, Mr Will Smith himself…” Frank let out a snort and looked at Simon who had started bopping in his seat, clicking his fingers.

 “That finishes about midnight and then Saturday is the big one. You got 5 Seconds of Summer, George Ezra and Liam Gallagher from Oasis headlining that night.” Jake continued “The other stages rage from all sorts. Mo-Town, Indie, Chart, Reggae…and then there’s a party after which continues until early hours, run by Hot Dub Time Machine.”

“Shut the front door!” Simon snorted “Hot Dub?”

Jake nodded.

“Dude I saw him one New Year’s Eve in New York a few years ago.” Simon said “He was brilliant!”

Frank sat and listened as his friends started to discuss the concert in more detail. He had to admit, it sounded like a pretty good idea, and just the distraction Fliss could do with.

 “Hate to be the voice of logic…” Simon said. “But if it’s only like three weeks off, wont’ we have trouble getting hotel rooms?”

“Fuck that, I’ll sleep on the back of the truck.” Frank said, causing the rest of them to laugh. “No need Frankie-boi, I got a client who works for the Hyatt Group man.” Jake shook his head “Three rooms already reserved out in the Regency, about 10 minutes’ walk if that from Bayfront Park where the concert is…just in case you fancied it. $100 a room for 2 nights, including a late checkout on the Sunday coz, well, we’re gonna need it.”

 “Three?” Frank frowned.

 “You and Fliss, Simon and Bonnie, and Me and Greg…” “What about Zara and Lisa?” he frowned “I thought this was a couple’s thing, not a boys weekend away…” 

“Well it was going to be…” Greg shrugged “But Zara’s away with the kids that weekend, decided to go back to California as her sister is being taken in for a C-section, and of course she has to be there…”

“And it’s Lisa’s idea of hell…” Jake supplied.

 “So why don’t we re-arrange?” Simon asked.

“Fuck that!” Jake snorted “I’m got a child and fiancée free pass for the weekend.” “Amen brother!” Gregg hi-fived him.

 “But you two can bring your girls, no problem…they’re cool” Jake gestured between Frank and Simon with his beer bottle. “Thanks for your permission…” Frank raised an eyebrow. 

****

Naturally, Fliss was over the moon with the promise of a music festival, especially when she looked up the acts that were on. So, when the Friday in question rolled around, after dropping Mary at school, with strict instructions she was to behave herself as Frank WOULD be checking, they set off in Fliss’ jeep, Frank driving as she lounged in the passenger seat, eyes hidden by her aviators, hair pulled into a loose side pony tail as they made the four hour down the coast and across state to Florida, stopping half way for some food at a roadside diner.

Simon and Bonnie weren’t due to arrive until just gone 5 ish, Bonnie having to finish the morning’s classes before she could leave, whilst Jake and Greg were here having come down the night before, so when they had checked in they decided to freshen up and go for a walk, Fliss eager to hit Lincoln Road Mall. They spent a few hours just walking and looking in the shops, eventually finding a Pandora one which Fliss headed into wanting a new charm for her bracelet as a memory of the weekend. She paced the shop eventually settling for a silver palm tree with a small diamond in the middle of the trunk and Frank batted her hand down when she went to pay, instead producing his card. The usual argument about who was paying ensued, which eventually Frank won by telling Fliss that he wanted to be the one that filled that bracelet for her, and she relented, smiling softly. Frank didn’t miss the relieved look on the shop assistant’s face as she finally waved the out of the store.

They met Jake and Greg in a bar not far from the hotel, and they were joined by Bonnie and Simon for a drink before the two girls announced they were heading off to get changed and ready for the evening.  Frank left it until about 20 minutes before he needed to be ready and headed up to their room, pulling on one of his infamous hideous Hawaiian shirts which he had brought especially. Fliss looked at him, shaking her head with a fond smile on her face as he innocently asked her what the problem was. She laughed and told him nothing at all, before she gave him a kiss and they headed down to meet the others.

 The walk down to the Park took them 10 minutes. Fliss was walking slightly ahead with Bonnie, her braid swinging down her back, gently brushing against the yellow off the shoulder top she was wearing. Her bottom half was dressed in denim shorts, a pair of pink converse boots on her feet. She’d certainly embraced the Festival Vibe, opting for bright colours in honour of the fact they were heading back musically a few decades. They arrived and joined the queue to exchange their tickets for wrists bands which took them about 15 minutes, and then they joined the lines to get through the main gates. That didn’t take long at all and once they were through they followed the crowd before Greg stopped, and looked around.

 “We get split up…” “We all got phones!” Jake snorted “What are you, 50?”

 “Sorry, force of habit with the kids…” Greg let out a groan as everyone laughed.

 “So the main stage is that way…” Jake said, pointing to his left “Right at the back. DJ stage is there, and the other stages are dotted about…anyone got any preference on where we go?” “Other than Will Smith I really wanna to go the 80s stage!” Fliss grinned and Bonnie Hi-Fived her.

 “Yeah we got some Duran Duran to dance to.” she agreed. “And Erasure.”

“And Wham.” “And Culture Club….” “Yeah, we get the picture…” Simon rolled his eyes.

 “Oh and I want to see the Queen and AC/DC tributes.” Fliss finished.

 “Anything else?” Frank looked at her.

“Beer.”

“Well we need tokens.” Jake said, “No cash at the bar, tokens only so…the tent is over there…”

 They all set off, Fliss and Bonnie hanging behind chatting away, but it wasn’t long before their chatter died down and Frank turned to see that, actually, it hadn’t died down, they’d disappeared. “Where the hell are the girls?”  Simon asked, looking round as he realised they were missing.

 “Knowing Fliss in some tent getting her face painted…” Frank paused, turning on the spot before he spotted them. Fliss was stood as Bonnie was sat on a stool, having some sort of Festival glitter painted around her temple and eye socket. “Yup, there you go…” Simon followed his gaze and snorted. “Fucking hell…what are they, 8?” “Leave ‘em be.” Frank said fondly “Come on, let’s go get the drinks sorted.”

 He waved at Fliss, before pointing to where they were going and she gave him a thumbs up to show she understood, before Bonnie stood up and she sat down. Frank smiled at her face as it lit up and he headed off after Simon.

 By the time they had gotten the tokens and ordered beers for them all, the girls still hadn’t joined them, and it didn’t take long to realise why. They were both in a tent which contained 2 electronic dance mats, right in the middle of a very energetic dance off.

 “It’s like having a pair of kids…” Simon mumbled the boys stood by the entrance to the tent whilst Frank simply grinned. As they watched Bonnie made a mistake, the mat flashed red, and then another one, before Fliss made one too. The two girls’ foot work was ridiculously fast as the song gathered pace and finally the routine ended. Fliss grinned and hi-fived Bonnie as their scores flashed up, Fliss winning by 60 points.

 “Yesss!” she punched the air as Bonnie shook her head and the man handed them both some really tacky bright pink beaded necklaces for taking part. 

“Re-match…” Bonnie said, looking at Fliss as they both dropped the necklaces over their heads. 

“Maybe later, I’m fucked now…” Fliss said, bending over, hands on her knees as she drew her breath “I need a drink!”

 She turned and saw the boys in the doorway, Frank raised an eyebrow and held up the beer and she grinned. 

“I knew I bought you for something.” He rolled his eyes and then Greg suggested they head off to the first stage for the start of the 80s Tribute acts. They only intended to stay for a short while but Fliss begged Frank to stay longer, and was backed up by Bonnie as the Duran-Duran band came on. Fliss told Frank if he wanted to go and meet up later he could, but truth be told he didn’t want to. This was as much a weekend for him and her as it was for him and his friends, so with that in mind Simon and Frank both decided to stay with the girls and that they would find the others later.

 And Frank was glad of his decision, as about 20 minutes later, when Hungry Like the Wolf started to play, Fliss was bouncing around like a lunatic. He knew it was one of her favourite songs, and seeing her cutting loose was making him a little horny if truth be told. He moved up behind her and grabbed her hips, swaying with her in time to the music as he dropped a kiss to her shoulder, gently singing along as she danced in front of him, occasionally brushing up against the front of his shorts, which was doing nothing to help his current situation.

 “Someone’s definitely on the hunt down…” she teased, pushing her ass back into his crotch whilst she turned her head to face him as the song morphed into Rio. He grinned and gave her a kiss.

 “Not hunting, I already got you.” “Hmm, yeah you did…” she murmured against his lips.

 The continued dancing with one another, Simon and Bonnie doing the same before the 4 of them all decided they were ready for another drink. As fate would have it, they found Greg and Jake already at the bar. They muscled their way in, grabbed another beer and then all turned to head towards one of the tall, standing tables which were dotted around not far from the bar. Frank waited for Fliss as she had ordered a bottle of water too, and the guy serving had forgotten it. When he came back, apologising, Fliss waved him off and thanked him as Frank picked the bottle up and stuck it in his pocket. He reached for Fliss’ hand, and they were making their way over to their friends when suddenly he felt Fliss yell out and she stopped dead. He turned to face her, seeing someone had bumped into her and her beer had spilt all down her top.

 “Hey, come on man…” Frank looked at the guy as Fliss pulled her hand out of his to wipe at her top “Be careful huh…” But the man wasn’t looking at him, his eyes were fixed completely on Fliss. “Yes, wouldn’t want an accident now would we, Felicity?” At the sound of her full name Frank instantly knew this had to be someone to do with her ex-husband and he reached out for Fliss as he saw her stiffen and slowly she raised her head to look at the man, her eyes widening and she swallowed.

 “Richard.” she spoke softly. 

“Fancy seeing you here. Must be nice to be free to do what you want.” “Yeah, well, making up for lost time. I didn’t exactly get a lot of chance to have fun when your brother was beating the shit out of me.” Her chin raised a little defiantly and Frank felt a surge of pride as she stood up for herself, the anger evident on her face.

 “You’re a fucking liar…” Richard said and Frank immediately stepped in.

 “Ok that’s enough…” he spoke sternly, glaring at the man “We’re not here for any trouble, we’re just out for a good time with friends, and I’d like to keep it that way. So, if you don’t mind, we’re done here.” he turned to Fliss and slid his arm round her waist, making to steer her away.

 “You need to be careful.” Richard spoke to Frank’s retreating back. “Now she’s got her claws into you, you’re done…first sign of trouble she’ll be accusing you of all sorts.”

 Frank sighed, he’d tried to be reasonable, but the anger felt like it was bubbling from his feet and he whirled round, placing himself in between the man and Fliss. “Listen, asshole, why don’t you just fuck off?” his tone was laced with venom. “Your brother is a nasty, wife beating piece of shit.”

 At that Richard stepped forward, drawing himself to full height, still a good 3 inches shorter than Frank. His fists balled as he clenched his hands at his side, his mouth curled up into a snarl.

 “She’s a liar.”  Richard pointed at Fliss, before his attention turned back to Frank. “She lied and because of her, John’s life and career is ruined…” “His life? Ruined?” Frank barked out a laugh “Your brother got nothing more than he deserved, and so will you if you don’t get the fuck outta my face.”

 “Frank…” Fliss pleaded with him, pulling on his arm and desperately looking around for help before this descended into a fight. Thankfully, she caught Jake’s eye who hit Greg on the shoulder, who in turn tapped Simon, and the three of them plus Bonnie hastily started to jog over.

 “If he was that bad why has he been considered for parole?” Richard shrugged “An appeal his lawyer is convinced he’ll win…” Richard said, taking a step back as the other men approached. “And that’s all because they finally saw through her lies…” Frank made an angry noise but Greg pushed himself in between the two men, patting Frank on the chest.

 “Come on buddy…” he said. “Whatever it is, leave it…” Jake went to grab Frank’s arm, but he jerked it out of his grip.

 “I’ll tell you this…” Frank pointed at Richard “If he gets out, you can tell him from me, he stays the fuck away from my girl, and the rest of my family, you got that? Or I’ll put him in a hospital, see how he likes it.”

 “Big man making all the threats huh?” “It ain’t a threat, it’s a god-damned promise.” Frank snarled. Richard gave a snort of a laugh before he allowed his wife to steer him away, shooting one last contemptuous glance at both him and Fliss.

 “What the fuck?” Simon turned to Frank, who completely ignored him and moved to where Fliss was stood, her arms wrapped cross her front, hugging herself, Bonnie gently talking to her.

 “You ok?” he asked her gently and she gave a nod as he took her in his arms, hugging her tightly, hand falling to the back of her head.

 Greg gave Frank a questioning look, which Frank answered with two words “His brother.” “Who’s brother?” Jake pressed, “What just happened? I’m so confused.” “To be fair that doesn’t take much…” Frank heard Greg say which earned him a “Fuck you” in response, and the two men began to bicker as Fliss stepped back from his arms. Frank looked down at her, taking her face in his hands.  “You good?”

“Yeah…” she nodded “You shouldn’t have risen to him.” “Probably not.” he shrugged “But I’m not having that piece of shit or anyone associated with him trash mouthing you.”

 “My hero…” she rolled her eyes, but the smile on her face told him he wasn’t in too much trouble. He gave a snort of a laugh and dropped a kiss to her head. “Can we go back to the dancing now please? And I need another beer, that ass hole spilt mine.” “Is it time for tequila yet?” Bonnie asked, offering Fliss a drink of her beer. Fliss took a sip, shaking her head

“I swore after last time I would never drink that shit again.”

“But that was a lie, right?” Bonnie looked at her as she passed her pint back over. 

“Yup, a very big lie…” Fliss agreed, causing the rest of the group to laugh. 

So they did their tequila. Several shots of to be intact and spent the rest of the night wandering stage to stage, lapping up the atmosphere. Frank kept a close eye on his girl who seemed none the worse for her encounter as she danced the night away with him and Bonnie, the 2 of them disappearing at one point for a walk around the various stalls that were around the outside, coming back with a packet of interlocking glow sticks which they proceeded to activate and make head wear out of. 

 Will Smith took to the stage at about 10 pm and Frank was beside himself with laughter as Fliss reverted to some kind of school kid. She seemed to know every single word to every goddamned song he had, and when it came to Men In Black she launched expertly into the dance routine that half the crowd were doing, in time to the video showing behind the stage.  Simon and Jake tried to copy her before they both gave up and when she finished she turned around and Frank raised his beer to her and she bowed, as they all laughed. Deciding that they didn’t want to stay for the after party, considering they knew it was going to be a really late one the next evening, instead they agreed to head down to the beach. They managed to find a guy who was walking round with a cool box selling beer and they bought 2 bottles each, for twice the price they should be but, whatever…

 When in Miami…

 As they walked across the sand, Frank looped his arm round Fliss’ shoulder whilst they weaved themselves through the various mini-parties which seemed to be going on as people were set up all over with small fires, beer, drinks and music playing. Frank had a sneaking suspicion half of them were probably intending on sleeping there too. Eventually they found a clear spot and flopped down onto the sand, under the illumination of one of the boardwalk lights and then Simon stood up, heading over to a group of teenagers sat a bit to their right.

“What’s he doing?” Greg asked. 

“I think he’s reverse bootlegging.” Jake said and Frank gave a snort of laughter.

“What?” Fliss frowned, “What’s that?” “Instead of selling alcohol to underage kids he’s buying it off them, look.” Frank said, nodding to him. Fliss watched as Simon slipped one of the kids a twenty and took the bottle of vodka he was offering to them, raising it up as he walked back.

 “What the fuck man?” Greg snorted “That’s…”

“Shameful.” Jake nodded before he chuckled, shaking his head. “I love it.” With a grin Simon dropped down next to Bonnie, standing the bottle of vodka up in the middle of the circle they seemed to have made as Fliss sat between Frank’s legs, leaning back against his chest. His spare hand ran up and down the outside of her thigh softly as they all sat chatting about the evening, comparing their best bits and what they were looking forward to tomorrow evening. Eventually, someone, Frank wasn’t sure who, decided that they should play Never Have I Ever, and Fliss eagerly agreed, jumping in with the first question.

 “Ok, never have I ever driven a boat…” Fliss smirked.

“What, that’s a crap one!” Frank snorted “Everyone here’s probably driven one…including you.”

“Nope…”

 “Bullshit!” he snorted “On our first date, and several times since…”

 “I sailed it Frankie, I didn’t drive it…”

 He paused for a moment and then looked up as everyone in the circle grinned.

 “She’s right man…” Simon conceded “I sailed mine too…” “And me…”

“And me…”

 “Oh fuck you!” Frank spluttered as they all laughed at him. Fliss handed him the bottle, which he took from her with a glare taking a mouthful. Fucking hell, he could tell it was cheap as it burnt like paint stripper as he swallowed, wincing. 

That was basically the way the game went. Each trying to deliberately catch everyone else out. Simon caught Jake spectacularly, forcing him to reveal a tale about how he got locked out of a hotel room, naked on the balcony and climbed down 2 storeys to go and get a spare key from reception, Simon repeatedly got Bonnie on a number of occasions before Frank caught Fliss out with the tale of how she had once called her University Lecturer “Daddy.” by mistake. 

“Ok, Never have I ever…”  Fliss paused, before a wicked grin spread on her face and she looked at Frank “Called anyone else’s name during sex.”

“Oh God…” Frank heard Bonnie mumble from where she was sat, but before he could even open his mouth to call Fliss an ass hole, he saw Greg reaching for the bottle.

“No WAY!” Fliss spluttered, looking at Greg “What? When!”

 “I was about 21…” Greg said, scrunching up his face. “I was in bed with a girl and, well, I called her mom’s name.” The entire group fell silent before Jake, Frank and Simon all let out a roar of laughter, and Fliss snorted, grinning from ear to ear.

 “That’s…impressive.” Frank nodded as Greg put the bottle down and Fliss picked it up and handed it to Frank. Everyone turned their attention to him as he narrowed his eyes and grabbed it from her.

 “Spill.” Simon pointed at him.

 “I err, well…look, it…” Frank stuttered over his words “I was…look we don’t need to discuss this…” he said, knocking back the vodka and avoiding Bonnie’s eyes, shaking his head “I plead the 5th.” There were various groans around the group but when they realised Frank wasn’t going to budge Greg shrugged, calling him a pussy, and picked the next category.

 “Never have I ever kissed someone of the same sex.” he said, with a raised eyebrow. Both Fliss and Bonnie moved for the bottle at the same time, and the boys all cheered.

“Was it each other?” Simon grinned “Please tell me it was…” “Ok,no…that…” Frank began to protest, hiccupping slightly.  “That would be weird…”

“No it wasn’t each other.” Bonnie grinned at Simon “I was 17, playing spin the bottle and had to kiss this girl called Eva…” “And that’s it?” Simon asked.

“Yeah…” she nodded, taking a drink from the bottle before she passed it to Fliss.

 “Spill…” Frank instructed her, his hand on her hip where she was still nestled in between his legs.

 “I was 19…and, yeah, well, I experimented” she shrugged. “A few times…” 

“Wait, there was…” Frank looked at her as she turned her head to grin at him “You did more than kiss?”

 “For me to know and you to find out Sailor…” she winked. Well fuck me!

 Another 15 minutes or go they’d exhausted the bottle of vodka and decided to call it a night. Bonnie was faring the worst out of them all, her and Simon walking a little behind everyone as he kept his arm round her to keep her steady. Frank noticed Fliss was remarkably with it considering what they’d drunk, but then for such a small person she did have quite a high tolerance, and she’d drunk a hell of a lot of water as well.

 At the hotel they bid everyone goodnight and headed up to their room where Fliss decided she needed to shower to get rid of all the glitter and sand and sweat from dancing. Frank was inclined to agree so let her go first, swapping over after 10 minutes or so with an exchange of a soft kiss in the bathroom doorway. By the time Frank got out of the shower Fliss was sat cross legged on the large bed dressed in a camisole and boy-shorts set which was white with multi-coloured polka dots on it. It was the set he had bought her for Valentine’s Day, along with a set of baby-pink lace underwear. He loved seeing her in lace, but there was something about the lounge sets like the one she was wearing now that gave her an innocence, made her look so comfy and so settled that he adored seeing her wearing them around the house and to bed…even if they didn’t stay on long.

 She grinned up at him as he smiled, crossing to drop a kiss on her head.

 “You raid the minibar?” he asked, nodding to the packet of chips she had ripped open.

 “Yeah.” she shrugged “Figured fuck it, why not?” “Well…”he crossed the room and opened the fridge which was under the TV unit “In for a penny…” he pulled two beers out, popped the tops and passed her one.

 “Don’t you think we’ve had enough?”

“Can you see straight?”

 “Yeah…”

“Then no.” he said and she laughed, taking it from him.

 “You’re a bad man Frank Adler.” “I try.” he quipped. She shook her head, smiling before she reached for her phone which had just gone off. Frank whipped the towel from around his waist and stepped into a clean pair of boxers before he roughly dried his hair.

 “Bonnie says her and Simon are hitting the beach during the day tomorrow…do you fancy it?” “Sure.” he nodded, dropping to the bed, laying down on his side, propping himself up on his elbow as he reached for a Dorito.

 “At least I think that’s what this message says. ‘Going to the Bitch…’ I mean that’s gotta be beach huh?” 

Frank snorted as Fliss scrunched up the empty chip bag and tossed it across the room where it settled just besides the bin. They both looked at it for a second before Fliss shrugged. ”She was trashed.”

 “I’m not surprised.” Fliss said, moving to toss her phone onto the night table before she too settled on her side, facing Frank, elbow on the pillow “Simon was deliberately asking questions in that game where he knew she’d have to drink…” “Oh and you weren’t…” he looked at Fliss who shrugged, grinning cheekily “Never have I ever called anyone else’s name during sex, I mean seriously! She was right there!”

 “I know, which is what made it so funny.” “Funny is not the word I would use…” “Oh whatever, and as if Greg has done that too!” she said, chuckling as she also settled on her side “He’s a dark horse…” “So are you…” he looked at her taking a long drink of his beer. “In fact….I think you need to tell me more about these lesbian encounters you experienced whilst experimenting aged 19."  

 "They weren't proper lesbian encounters, I was teasing you...." 

 "I don't care, make em up." He said and she let out a laugh.

 "If I do will it get me something nice?" she grinned.

 "Something very, very nice."  He raised an eyebrow suggestively.

 Fliss grinned and then launched into a clearly made up bullshit story about some girl called Candy and Frank completely zoned out. He was simply too caught up concentrating on the childish, teasing expression on her face as she spoke. Her eyes were shining in the dim light of the room as she talked and grinned in the same manner she had been doing all night. Not even the encounter with that asshole’s brother has dampened her spirit. She was just enjoying herself, freely. And so was he. She said she couldn't remember the last festival or concert she had been to, and Frank had admitted the same. It had to have been easily 10 years ago. It felt good to be recapturing that part of their lives they had both given up (albeit for very different reasons) and making new memories together that he knew would last a lifetime. 

 A lifetime...huh, how about that?

 He zoned back in just in time to hear Fliss' very risqué story telling, and dropped his head with a sight that was half laugh, half groan at her filthy tale.

 "...and her thighs were so strong, it was ridiculous, my ears were squashed so hard, I felt like my head was in a vice. Still, I managed to-"

 "Ok..." he said, taking her beer off her and setting it down on his nightstand along with his, before he leaned over Fliss, caging her with his arms "I'm getting kinda jealous...and a bit turned on...it’s very confusing.

 “You asked…” she muttered as his face dropped her hers.

“Yeah, I did…” his lips brushed against hers “And I promised you something nice…” “Very,very nice…” Fliss said, her hands sliding up his arms to his shoulder.

 “Well, I’m a man of my word…” he grinned, lips pressing to hers harder this time in a soft, deep kiss which he pulled away from and ran his nose against hers. “Turn over…”

 “What?” she looked at him, her eyes widening slightly.

“You trust me?”

“Of course I do…” “Then turn over…”

 She took a deep breath, and looked at him and he looked straight back, fully understanding what she was thinking. He’d never asked her to do that before. “Lissy, I promise I’m not gonna hurt you.” “I know you’re not…” she shook her head, before she bit her lip and he moved back so she could turn over onto her stomach. With gently finger tips he brushed her hair off her shoulders, sweeping it to one side gently dropping soft kisses down her neck as his hands traced down to her hips. He gently grasped her top and she moved to allow him to slide it up and over.

 The sheets on the bed rustled slightly as he moved downwards, pressing his lips to the small of her back, watching her reaction carefully as he saw her fingers clutching softly at the pillow. He continued his affections, lips and hands exploring every part of the soft skin on her back until he was fully led over her, thighs bracketing hers, his mouth gently sucking at that spot behind her ear that drove her wild. And right on cue she let out a low groan and he felt his groin twitch at the noise. Fliss could feel his hardness against her back and as his teeth gently grazed her ear she felt her spine arch slightly.

 He moved away, and his hand gently slid to grasp at the hem of her shorts, and she tilted her hips up slightly so he could pull them down, hurriedly departing with his own boxers before he resumed his previous position.

 “You good?” he asked her softly and she nodded in response. 

With gentle hands he reached down between her legs to finding her hot and wet for him already. At his touch she arched her back again. Frank let out a grin and moved slightly so he could part her thighs with his knee. Repositioning himself, he led flat, his arms sliding up hers so he could lace his fingers with hers, palms resting on the backs of her hands and he gently pushed into her, the pair of them giving a groan at the feeling and tightness of this angle. He gently thrust, his chest sliding up over her back, and she moved ever so slightly with him, her head tilted back slightly and she turned her face towards his where he caught her mouth in a slow, sloppy kiss. Frank continued his languid, deep movements, listening to the quickening of her breath and eventually he felt her hips beginning to rise in slow circles, her whimpers increasing.

 He gently knelt up, and pulled her hips so she was perched on her knees, pushing into her slowly, deeply, letting her get used to the position that they’d never tried before because Frank knew it wasn’t one she had good memories of but right now, her body was relaxed and she was giving him everything. His hand reached up and he traced down her spine before he leaned over and placed another soft kiss on her neck before he moved and grasped at her hips again, his pace gently quickening, a low moan escaping his mouth as Fliss pushed back onto him, wordlessly telling him she wanted more. He thrust forwards again and again, pulling her back onto him at the same time, his eyes focussed on where they were joined, the sight of him sliding in and out of her made him moan with desire.

“Don’t stop…” he heard her half pant, half whisper and he picked up the pace ever so slightly, leaning over to gently nip at the back of her neck, causing her to shudder, a deep growl rumbled in his chest as her walls briefly squeezed around him.

“Fuck, baby…” he groaned as her hands clutched at the bed sheets whilst he buried himself deep inside of her stilling for a moment.

“Frankie…” she whined and squirmed as she turned to look at him over her shoulder. Once glance at his clenched jaw and she knew he was trying to fight back his high as he picked up his previous movements, just a little bit faster. She was close, quietly moaning his name as she dropped her head back down, forehead against the pillows, her spine arching as he continued to thrust.

Frank groaned again “Come on sweetheart...” his voice deeper like it always was when he was in the throes of desire, “let go for me.” He rolled his hips forwards, five or six more times before she was done.

“Fuck, Frank, I…” she let out a broken cry as her core spasmed again and again and her entire body trembled as a loud lament spilled from her lips. He was done himself, and with a groan of her name his relief washed over him with an intensity he couldn’t even begin to describe.

Fliss collapsed forward and Frank tumbled with her, his chest onto her back, his weight crushing her in the best way possible for a second ot two before he rolled onto his side. Reaching out, his hand gently across her bare back as Fliss face, which was pressed into the pillow turned to face him.

He leaned over and gave her a soft kiss, brushing her hair off her face.

“Okay…” she mumbled, nodding at him “I’ll concede. That was very, very nice…”

******* “You behaving?” Frank asked Mary as he and Fliss lay in bed the next morning, the phone held at arms-length so they could both see her.

“Yeah, of course…” Mary rolled her eyes “Bill took me to the yard last night and Joanne helped me tack Monty up and then Bill walked round the field with us so the dogs could have a run and it was awesome!”

“When I get back we’ll do the full trail ride.” Fliss smiled at her “Takes a good hour, we can go one evening before it gets dark.”

“Cool!” Mary grinned, bending down and then suddenly Fred’s bemused face filled the screen. Frank snorted as he was instructed to say hi to Fred, which he did, before the cat settled down on Mary’s lap and she continued to chat to him about what she had done the night before…which was basically staying up until gone midnight with Bill watching Harry Potter in the movie room.

Eventually they got her to pass the phone over to Verity, who assured Frank she was no trouble, and then they cut the call and decided to get up and head down for breakfast to meet everyone.

The day was spent lazily on the beach. Fliss hardly moved at all, simply soaking up the sun as Frank and Simon continuously brought her and Bonnie a supply of drinks as the man remained by the bar at the top of the sand.

“I gotta ask…”Bonnie said, turning to look at Fliss “And tell me to shut up if I’m outta line but yesterday, that guy Frank looked like he wanted to kill…who was he? Simon says he’s never seen Frank that angry…” “Oh, err…” Fliss rubbed her head “It was my ex-husbands brother, he was being an ass hole.” “Oh.” Bonnie frowned “I take it you don’t get along…nasty break up?” “You could say that…” Fliss said, taking a sip of her drink, tapping the straw lightly on her lips. “John…my ex…he er…he used to beat me. Badly. He’s actually in prison, well, for how long we don’t know as he had his parole hearing about 4 weeks ago so..” “Oh shit…” Bonnie dropped her gaze “Sorry, I didn’t…” “It’s ok.” Fliss said, waving off the usual apologies that came when she told someone about her past.

There was a moment of silence before Bonnie sat up and looked at Fliss.

“Wanna go for a dip?”

Fliss glanced at her, then down to the ocean and grinned, nodding.

Yelling to the boys to watch their stuff they headed down to the waves, Fliss happily diving straight in, simply allowing herself to float. She was calm, relaxed, and couldn’t remember a time she’d ever felt so happy before.

Eventually, it hit 5pm and Fliss was hungry. So they decided to pack up, grab a bite from the bar and then go change ready for the evening. Fliss had to smile as she saw Frank and the rest of the boys stood at a table by the beach bar all clutching pints and laughing. He was dressed in a pink shirt, black shorts with a baseball cap on the wrong way, glasses shielding his eyes.

“I never realised what an overgrown Frat Boy I’m dating.” Fliss mumbled to Bonnie who snorted as they made their way up the wooden boardwalk, beach bags in their hand.

 “Hey pretty girl.” Frank smiled as Fliss slid under his arm, reaching for his pint. With a roll of his eyes he watched as she took a huge drink. “You know if you want one I’ll get you one…” “Tastes better when it’s someone else’s.” Fliss shrugged.

 “Yeah, why is that?” Bonnie asked.

 “Because it’s stolen.” Simon looked at her “Well known fact, forbidden fruit just tastes better.”

Fliss went again for Frank’s drink and he jerked it out of her reach “Piss off, look, here…” he said, reaching into his pocket and handing her his wallet “Go to the bar.” She grinned and dropped a kiss to his lips, turning away, Bonnie following.

 “Dude you’re so whipped.” Jake snorted at him.

 “Yeah, I don’t much care.” Frank shrugged, burping slightly as he looked at Fliss, taking in her appearance. Her hair was falling around her face and down her back in a mass of long, messy salt and sand tangled waves and she was wearing a pink crochet slip over her black bikini. He would happily admit he was well under her spell and that she could whip him all she fucking wanted to. 

They grabbed a bite to eat, headed back, changed and made their way to the park for their second night of music. It went much the same as the night before, Bonnie and Fliss taking off on their own adventures, and Frank keeping his eyes peeled for any sign of John’s fucker of a brother, but he didn’t see him.

 By the time Liam Gallagher came onto the stage, Fliss was drunk. And so was he. But it didn’t stop her from going wild. Once again she knew every single word to every single song and when he launched into Rock and Roll Star she started pogoing like a person possessed. Mind you, so was everyone else on the dance floor in front of the stage, so Frank joined in. He quite liked this song and, well, if you can’t beat ‘em join ‘em…

 He ended the set with Live Forever, Frank’s favourite song that he had done and Fliss sighed happily.

“He’s sooo good!” she said, “Why does he have to go?”

“Because his set has finished.” “But why?” “Because it has!” Frank laughed “He’s been on for almost an hour and it’s 1 am!”

“Hey, Liss, don’t worry…” Bonnie hiccupped “Hot Dub starts in 20…just enough time for a drink…” “Yes…” Fliss agreed, pointing at her. “But I think I need some water too.”

“Pussy…” Frank looked at her and she narrowed his eyes at him.

“I’ll carry on drinking beer if you want, but you’ll be clearing up my puke later.” He snorted and held his hands up, palms out “Water it is.” Hot Dub Time Machine was surreal. He was on for about an hour and took them through a load of the best party songs from the 60s right through to the present day. One minute Frank was doing the Twist and Shout with Fliss, and the next they were all in a circle air-guitaring to Immigrant Song by Led Zep.

 By the time they left the park it was almost half 2 in the morning and Fliss decided that she didn’t want to walk and insisted Frank give her a piggy back. He rolled his eyes but crouched down and she took a jump onto his back as he carried her the 10 minutes or so back to the hotel, Simon groaning at him as Bonnie kept complaining he wouldn’t carry her.

 “You’re showing me up, dude!” he glared at Frank who simply shrugged as Fliss smirked.

 “I like riding him.” She hiccupped, as everyone burst into laughter and Frank shook his head as she pressed a kiss to his cheek.

 “You’re a fucking nightmare” he sniggered and she shrugged.

 *****

 The next morning everyone was feeling the effects of a heavy weekend, and Frank was pleased that they had the late check out option. Eventually, after dragging themselves out of bed they managed to shower, pack up and head down to check out. There was another argument about who was paying for the room, this time Fliss winning as she put her foot down telling him he was paying for New York and that she really wanted to pay for this. She’d told Frank before about John never letting her have any financial control over anything and Frank knew that it meant a lot to her so he relented, and instead bought them brunch before they set off home.

 They got back in time for a roast dinner, and then they headed back to the annex to watch a film, Fliss crashing out halfway through. She left them to it and headed to bed and was flat out by the time Frank made his way upstairs.

 “I can’t believe you got the day off!” She moaned at him over breakfast on the Monday morning.

 “I can’t believe you didn’t” he shot back

“I can’t…clients and stuff.” She pouted, biting into her toast before she groaned again. “I’m too old for partying all weekend…I can’t hack it anymore.” Frank snorted and took a sip of his coffee before Fliss grinned at him. “Can we go again next year?”

 Frank laughed “The Circle Of Truth have already decided it’s going to be an annual thing from now on.” he said, standing up and with a kiss to her head he moved to the stairs yelling for Mary to get a wiggle on. She came down the stairs, Fred and Thor following before she ate her cereal and then Frank bustled her out of the door to drop her off for the last Monday of the school term. 

Wednesday lunchtime, however, their happy little bubble burst.

 Frank was actually in the sales part of the shop, discussing the benefits of different types of engines with a customer, having been asked to give some advice. He spotted Fliss’ jeep pulling up and as soon as she climbed out and turned towards him, he could tell from her face what was going on.

 “Excuse me for just one second.” He politely told the customer, and glancing at his boss he jerked his head towards Fliss. His boss, a nice enough guy called Andy, knew vaguely what was going on and nodded in understanding as Frank stepped outside.

 “Baby?” he asked tentatively as Fliss stopped in front of him.

“He did it.” she whispered softly, stepping into his arm, pressing her face into his chest.  “He made parole. They let the fucker out.”

**** Chapter 18

[ladyonfire28]

Noémie Merlant: "I remember very well the pride I felt on the red carpet."

One year ago, Portrait of a Lady on Fire, by Céline Sciamma, won the Best Screenplay Award at the Cannes Film Festival. The actress, who gives the lines to Adèle Haenel, looks back on the events that accompanied her contribution in this sensual, feminist film, made of glances, painting and flames. To be seen this Tuesday, May 19 on Canal+

Noémie Merlant remembers precisely July 14, 2018. That day, she went to her third audition for Portrait of a Lady on Fire, the new film of Céline Sciamma, in the presence of the director. At the end of her audition, the director said, "it's for you.” “My mind was so confused that I couldn't understand what she was telling me," said Noémie Merlant laughing. “I felt both a tremendous pressure and a tremendous desire because I measured the importance of the film and the role.”

The actress, who’s now 31 years old, seen in Curiosa, Heaven Will Wait and Paper Flags was thus chosen to be Marianne in Portrait of a Lady on Fire, and to play, with Adèle Haenel, two of the most beautiful film heroines of 2019, and certainly the most beautiful couple of women. Marianne, the painter in the carmine red dress who must secretly capture from memory the features of Heloise, who was promised to an arranged marriage.

In the staging of this incandescent lesbian love in the middle of the 18th century, the two actresses have irradiated the Cannes Film Festival. Contacted by phone while she was confined in her apartment in the 15th arrondissement of Paris ("in the street where I was born!") Noémie Merlant looks back on the few months that separated her from the ascent of the staircase, and the fever that gripped the Croisette after the film viewing.

"When I discovered the film, I couldn't talk. I felt dizzy from what I'd seen."

From the filming, which took place between Quiberon and la Chapelle-Gauthier, in Seine-et-Marne, Noémie Merlant keeps the memory of a special moment, suspended in time, "very cocooning. The atmosphere was very much like the one in the movie. We lived in a benevolent cocoon created by Celine Sciamma, a mixture of strong friendships that were beginning to emerge, of creation and artistic exchanges. I quickly felt a very strong sense of cohesion in the team." After seven weeks of shooting and several others of editing, Noémie Merlant discovers the result of their efforts. "I knew what we had done was going to make a great film, but when I found out, I couldn't speak, I felt dizzy from what I'd seen, what I'd participated in. A very strong sensation, which I could express later by walking down the street with Celine for a long time afterwards.”

In April, the team learns about the selection of Portrait of a Lady on Fire in competition at the Festival of Cannes, the first time for the director, who is a regular on the Croisette, after Water Lilies at Un certain regard (2007), Girlhood at La Quinzaine des Directeurs (2014) and My life as a Courgette, an animated film by Claude Barras that she co-wrote, also selected for La Quinzaine in 2016.

Looking back, Noémie Merlant realizes how "lucky" she was to be surrounded by people who knew the ins and outs of the world's biggest film festival, where all eyes would be on them. "Adèle is used to it, she was my guide. She keeps a certain distance from the event and its "big masquerade" side. If Cannes is also a place to have fun, we kept in mind why we were there. We knew what was at stake and the importance of this selection, and the fact that we were very close to each other made it easier for me to meet the Festival.”

"There was a burning feeling abroad about the film, a great expectation from the audience"

On May 19, 2019, the film crew, a magnificent band of women dressed in black or navy blue, walks the steps on the exhilarating female chorus that can be heard in one scene, composed by Celine Sciamma's lifelong friend, Para One, with Arthur Simonini. A moment of great intensity for Noémie Merlant. "I remember very well the pride I felt on the red carpet. The pride of having contributed to a film that speaks so well of love and sorority.”

At the end of the screening, the film was greeted by nearly ten minutes of applause, notably in front of Marina Foïs and Claire Denis. Noémie Merlant, her eyes filled with tears, embraces Adèle and savors this moment that will become unforgettable. "When the whole Grand Théâtre Lumière stands up and applauds, it's impressive, and I might only experience it once in my life," she whispers. Then comes the time of the party given for the film, and several hours of meetings with the press from all over the world. "Intense days. I'd never done interviews before, with a lot of small formats that tire you out before the longer meetings." The film was awarded the Screenplay Prize, a small disappointment for the director. "Céline made us come back to Cannes so we could live things together until the end. Of course, we would have liked to get more, especially in terms of directing. That's what struck me the most when I discovered the film. Its sobriety and elegance. But the trophy for the screenplay remains, of course, a very nice prize."

Portrait of a Lady on Fire was released in France four months after its screening in Cannes, and achieved an average score in theaters: it drew a little over 310,000 spectators, but was a real hit internationally, with more than 1.3 million admissions in 36 countries. 

“There was something burning around the film abroad, a great expectation from the audience, seized by this love story. This film carries a different voice, and allows it to be heard. Before working with Celine Sciamma, I had never heard of "male gaze" and "female gaze". Portrait of a Lady on Fire allows these important discussions, without any violence, only as an invitation to an another point of view." The film has particularly ignited the lesbian community, which has finally been able to identify with an other imaginary, different from what is usually represented on screen.

On Adèle Haenel's speech to Mediapart in November or the last evening of the César awards, Noémie Merlant prefers not to express herself, even if she stills says that she "admires her courage", and thinks back on this evening as "a movement, a renewal, a reconstruction". Of which the actress is certainly a part.

[thexfridax]

© Claire Mathon

Translated interview with Director Sciamma

‘We started a culture war‘

Andreas Busche and Nadine Lange, in: Der Tagesspiegel, 29th of October 2019

Additions or clarifications for translating purposes are denoted as [T: …]

Manifest on the female gaze: Céline Sciamma speaks about her period film ‘Portrait of a Lady on Fire’, MeToo in France and queer visibility.

In France, Céline Sciamma, born in 1978, is already revered as the new feminist and notably queer voice of French cinema, in the tradition of Claire Denis and Catherine Breillat. The director (‘Tomboy’, ‘Girlhood’), who writes her own screenplays, is largely unknown in [T: Germany]. This is most likely about to change with her fourth and most beautiful feature film so far. At the Cannes Film Festival, the period love story between the young painter Marianne and her model Héloïse, daughter of French aristocrats, won the Best Screenplay. Between the rugged landscape of the coast of Brittany and the candlelit interiors of an old villa, the film creates a utopia of solidarity and female desire, in which the characters of Marianne, Héloïse and Sophie the maid overcome class barriers.

Interviewers: Ms Sciamma, ‘Portrait of a Lady on Fire’ is your first period film, it takes place a few years before the French Revolution. Why is this era important for your story?

Céline Sciamma: My interest in those years came from art history. At the time, there was an unusual number of female painters, hundreds in France and across Europe. It really moved me to discover the biographies of these women, who had successful careers. They supported each other and were very political. There was for example feminist art criticism at the time.

I: Noémie Merlant plays the painter Marianne, who is commissioned to do a portrait of Héloïse, a daughter of aristocrats. There are two main themes: the representation of female painters in bourgeois society and the female gaze – and how this [T: gaze] is reflected in the art world at the time. How are these themes connected?

CS: When I went into more detail about the work of female painters in the late 18th century, I realised how much the female perspective is missing from art history. For me this is the most painful loss, which results from the elimination of the female gaze: this relates to the artwork themselves, but also to what art brings to our lives, the memory of a kind of intimacy.

I: Marianne is not based on a specific female painter. But is she representative of women at the time?

CS: I collaborated with an art sociologist, who did extensive research on this era. All biographical details for Marianne correspond to the time in which she lived. The dynamics of a biopic – a successful woman who defies societal norms – never really interested me. My film is a manifest on the female gaze. But there’s also melancholy in this process, because we have to restore something that has been ignored for a long time.

I: Why melancholy?

CS: It makes me sad, because this perspective was withheld from me all my life. That is why the scene, where Marianne, Héloïse and Sophie the maid re-enact an abortion, is so important for the film. By painting an abortion, the act becomes art and is therefore represented. Art gives women the opportunity to tell their own stories. But it’s not only about the past. The topic of abortion is still virtually invisible in cinema.

I: How do you deal with this lack of female perspectives as a screenwriter and director?

CS: I was aware about the lack of queer and lesbian representation in cinema early on. But it becomes dangerous, when we don’t realise anymore that something is withheld from us. I noticed this again, when I watched ‘Wonder Woman’ by Patty Jenkins. It is hard to express how you feel when you know you’re not represented, and at the same time are oblivious to the power it can give you to recognise yourself in cinema. That was a new experience for me.

I: You were one of the initiators of the 50/50 by 2020 movement, which is committed to gender parity at festivals and in film. What do you expect from Cannes next year?

CS: I’m glad that this topic is finally taken seriously. We set out our target for Cannes and want more transparency in the selection committee. However, to achieve these, you have to introduce quota. The board will be replaced [T: next] year, let’s see how it works. We started a culture war. One of the most important things for me is the work on inclusion. The 50/50 [T: movement] and the film production/promotion agency CNC created a fund for cultural diversity in [T: film] productions last year. There’s usually less budget for films made by female directors, this inequality will be slightly mitigated. More than 20 films have already benefitted from this fund.

I: There is progress on one hand, but on the other hand some things are deteriorating again. Do you see it in a similar way?

CS: We had no MeToo-debate in France, unlike the one in the US. The [T: debate] was quickly hijacked and reinterpreted as discussion about free speech: that feminist film criticism would lead to a new form of censorship. You could feel the backlash in France. A good example: Sandra Muller, who created the French MeToo movement ‘Balance ton Porc’ [T: ‘Denounce your pig’, see here for the evolution of the term ‘pig’ in this context] just lost a libel lawsuit. Action was filed by the man, whose harassing statements she made public. The level of societal discourse is not where it’s supposed to be.

I: You lead by example: There are mainly women working on your sets.

CS: It creates a different atmosphere, that is for sure. But I’ll tell you something: Women only make up 50% of the crew, my crew is probably one of the most diverse in France. Claire Mathon is my cinematographer, but a lot of men work with her. My cutter is a man though. It’s about the right balance. The film world is very much dominated by men, but I don’t want to exclude anyone.

I: In Cannes, you said something similar about your colleague Abdellatif Kechiche, who was criticised for his voyeuristic gaze on women, for example in the Palm d’Or winner ‘Blue is the Warmest Colour’. Do you want a cinema, in which your and his gaze can exist side by side?

CS: We have to be conscious about our perspective. In France, I’m always asked about my female gaze, but no one is ever asking a [T: male] filmmaker about his male gaze. Which is still considered as gender neutral. Of course, you can love ‘Blue is the Warmest Colour’ as much as you love ‘Portrait of a Lady on Fire’ [T: 😈], otherwise cinema will become a battlefield of ideologies. We just have to learn to read the images correctly. I would like to invite Abdellatif Kechiche to this relatively new discourse. But he should be asked the same questions as me.

I: You call ‘Portrait of a Lady on Fire’ a manifest on the female gaze. What does that mean?

CS: It starts with the screenplay. I wanted to tell a love story on equal terms. There is no gender-specific power imbalance in the film. That was important for me, especially in a time, in which gender inequality was the social norm. There is also no intellectual dominance between Marianne and Héloïse, they both come from the upper class, are sophisticated and self-determined. Between them, they did not have to negotiate a status.

I: What role did your actresses play in this?

CS: I wrote the film for Adèle Haenel. But it only works if she has a partner who is equal to her. Noémie Merlant is about the same age as Adèle, they are even the same height, which cannot be underestimated in cinema. That’s why shorter actors often have to stand on a pedestal. All these considerations are political, but they are also an offer to the audience: for new emotions, for surprises. Equality creates freedom, because social rules are overturned.

I: As Marianne, Héloïse and Sophie keep to themselves, they are not exposed to the male gaze. They can move freely.

CS: That’s why I don’t think of my film as social utopia. Every utopia is based on our experiences and ideas. You cannot easily find this kind of solidarity among women, you have to create this freedom. That’s why I decided to exclude male characters. What I exclude from the shot also defines what is shown in the picture. That’s the power of cinema.

I: Your film is about the visibility of women. They tell each other, how they see one another – and thus create an image of themselves. At the same time, desire arises from their gazes. How do you create this feeling of intimacy?

CS: We offer a philosophy and politics of love. Even the depiction of queer sexuality in cinema is based on heterosexual paradigms. We first had to learn how to deconstruct this gaze on us. Similarly, it’s also about abolishing the outdated ideal of the muse. There is of course a hierarchy on set, but we tried to transfer the working relationships in the film to our shooting.

I: All your films have queer aspects. Do you ever had any problems to fund your films?

CS: No, but that’s because I don’t need so much money. ‘Portrait of a Lady on Fire’ did cost 4 Million Euros. If I had asked for 12 Million Euros, it might have been different. I can’t complain. I live in a country, in which I can make these kinds of films and be radical. 23 percent of French films are made by female directors.

I: It seems like there were more [T: female directors] recently?

CS: No, the figure has been constant for 20 years. We are just forgotten and then ‘rediscovered’. Think about Alice Guy-Blanché, who made films at the time of Méliès [T: around the turn of last century]. She did everything by herself, used the first closeup. She literally co-invented the cinema. But like all the women, who were active at the beginning of film history, they were driven out, when it was suddenly about money.

Still from ‘Be natural: The Untold Story of Alice Guy-Blaché’ (Pamela B. Green, 2018)

[starwarsnonsense]

Top 10 films of 2019

Here’s my very belated top 10 films of 2019! Note that this is a list of films that were released in the UK theatrically in 2019, meaning it includes certain releases that would be considered to belong to 2018 by others.

Honourable mentions: Joker, Hustlers, Booksmart, A Private War, Fighting With My Family

(And don’t worry - Little Women, 1917 and Uncut Gems are all already on my list for 2020.)

Look out for my most anticipated films of 2020 list, coming soon!

With that out of the way, here’s my list (in ascending order)! Do share your picks in the comments!

10. The Irishman (dir. Martin Scorsese)

This is clearly the work of a master filmmaker with much on his mind. In telling the story of Frank Sheeran, Scorsese is telling the story of a man who makes his trade in violence. Instead of elevating Frank as a hero or a figure of glamour, he’s consistently shown to be rather pathetic. He stumbles into the role of hitman for various factions of the criminal underworld, and sticks to it seemingly because it’s what comes most easily to him. The violence enacted by Sheeran is inane and routine, with no thought given to the personal cost until it is far too late. The final 15 minutes of this film show a life petering out with a whimper, laying bare the indignities of old age and the cold, empty horror of enduring it with no company besides your own regrets. The Irishman is a portrait of a life lived badly, and in the hands of anyone besides Scorsese it could have been dry and tedious. Instead, the filmmaking is incredibly assured and the editing is whip-sharp (in Thelma Schoonmaker we trust), making it a pleasure to watch even with the lengthy runtime. 

9. The Farewell (dir. Lulu Wang)

The Farewell is a personal story about a young Asian-American woman (Awkwafina) struggling to reconcile her heritage with her current situation and values - specifically, she is tested when her grandmother is diagnosed with cancer and the wider family make the decision to hide the truth from her. The Farewell does a fantastic job of generating empathy for all the different perspectives and positions in play, but it’s truly anchored by Awkwafina’s amazingly nuanced and tender performance - basically, anyone who’s ever loved a grandparent should leave this feeling incredibly moved and inspired. The themes of The Farewell are both specific to the Asian-American experience and general to anyone who has struggled with maintaining bonds over a vast distance, whether physical or cultural. Lulu Wang is an exciting new voice in cinema, and I will watch her career with great interest.           

8. Pain & Glory (dir. Pedro Almodóvar)

Almodóvar is one of my favourite filmmakers, and one of the reasons I love his work so much is its wild diversity. My favourite from him is The Skin I Live In, a film that could not be more different than Pain & Glory. This is a small, very personal film telling the story of a middle-aged director (Banderas, clearly playing a version of  Almodóvar himself) who’s struggling with his legacy as a filmmaker and the increasing privations attached to middle age. Suffering in the present, Salvador finds himself retreating into memories of his childhood - particularly of his mother (Penelope Cruz) and his first crush. The childhood sequences were where the film really sung for me, perfectly capturing the sun-dappled glow of reminiscences of childhood. And the ending, where  Almodóvar truly shows his hand, is delightfully mischievous and the perfect cap on this very personal picture.

7. Once Upon a Time in ... Hollywood (dir. Quentin Tarantino)

This is a slice of life movie, but while that might call to mind ‘kitchen sink’ dramas, this is unabashedly a ‘slice of life’ movie about Hollywood and the mythology that has developed around it. It’s meandering and feels rather aimless for the bulk of its runtime, but that’s kind of the point. It’s exactly what the title promises in that it recaptures what life was like in a very specific time and in a very specific place - it’s an idealised, loving depiction of the Hollywood of the time, with the movie stars, flawed and fading as they are, cast as heroes menaced by the drugged-up hippies poised to dismantle the status quo. It ends in the fashion you’d expect from Tarantino, but here I found his revisionist approach to history remarkably poignant and effective. Film is a magic medium, with Hollywood serving as the ultimate dream factory - it feels completely right that Tarantino would attempt to use celluloid to right one of the great tragedies of Hollywood history.

6. One Cut of the Dead (dir. Shinichirou Ueda)

I went into this with no expectations whatsoever - and what a treat it was! One Cut of the Dead is easily one of the funniest movies I’ve seen in years, taking what initially seems like a trite concept (a crew is filming a zombie movie at a desolate location ... only to discover that the zombies are real!) and twisting it in a truly ingenious way. The comedy is very broad, but it is consistently delightful and always manages to avoid becoming crass - the movie even has some really sweet family dynamics at the centre of it, which gives it some real emotional heft. The success of this film is heavily reliant on a major twist that occurs part-way through, so the best advice I can give you is to stay as far away from spoilers for this one as possible - go in blind, and you will be amply rewarded for your faith.

5. Midsommar (dir. Ari Aster)

I went into this film with reservations, since I wasn’t a huge fan of Hereditary (by the same director), which I found to have extraordinary moments but iffy execution overall. This movie, however, wowed me. While marketed as a freaky/arty horror film, the director has described it as a fairy tale, which is the level on which is spoke to me. Midsommar follows Dani (an incredible Florence Pugh), a young woman who has suffered a terrible loss, as she travels with her boyfriend and his friends to a pagan festival in the Swedish countryside. Dani is painfully isolated, and her grief is hers to shoulder alone since her boyfriend is un-receptive and entirely unprepared to help her. Over the course of the film, destruction and creation are conflated in ways that are both beautiful and horrific - this film spoke to me on a profound level, and the way it ended gave me an incredible sense of catharsis. This won’t be for everyone, for I found it to be a deeply special film. Let’s all raise a toast to the imminent, and much welcome, reign of Florence Pugh.

4. Parasite (dir. Bong Joon-Ho)

Parasite is that rare film that more than lives up to the massive hype surrounding it (you don’t get more hyped than winning Best Picture at the Academy Awards!). It’s hard to write about this film without spoilers, since so much of the joy of Parasite lies in discovering what the hell is going on. This is an ‘upstairs downstairs’ movie for the 21st century, where the downstairs people have fierce designs on the lives and pleasures enjoyed by their social superiors. The rich people here are not vilified, though they are depicted as vapid and shallow, perpetually searching for new ways to fill their lives with meaning. Their struggling counterparts from the rough side of the city are struggling only to get by - their lives too hard to allow time for such indulgences. This is a film about the fantasy of social advancement, and the power that dreams have to hold us in thrall to hopeless ambitions. It’s masterfully directed, acted and designed, and it has been extremely gratifying to see it receive such widespread recognition.

3. Marriage Story (dir. Noah Baumbach)

I was always going to see this (hey Adam Driver!) but I was entirely unprepared for how great Marriage Story was. Easily Baumbach’s best film, Marriage Story is a masterclass in acting and character writing - it’s fiercely intelligent in how it constantly forces you to reassess what you’re seeing and where your sympathies lie. Does Charlie seem like an oblivious, navel-gazing asshole? Sure, but he’s also confused and vulnerable and thrown entirely off balance by his awakening consciousness of his wife’s dreams and ambitions. Nicole is self-effacing and self-denying, as so many women are, which makes her emerging confidence and newfound sense of direction incredibly satisfying to witness. In the second half of Marriage Story, Driver’s Charlie undoubtedly takes the spotlight - it’s clear to me that he becomes the focus largely because he continues to flounder as Nicole finds her footing. Baumbach, wisely I feel, is most interested in his characters when they’re lost, struggling to be better but barely understanding what that means. Even if you don’t sympathise with Charlie by the end of Marriage Story, I can promise you will come away with a thorough understanding of him thanks to Driver’s extraordinary performance. Superlative work, all round. (It’s also, just for the record, the only film of 2019 to make me cry.)

2. Portrait of a Lady on Fire (dir. Céline Sciamma)

This is the 2019 film I am most excited to see again (it’s coming out in a week in the UK - I’m so excited!). Sciamma’s film is an incredibly moving and deeply beautiful love story, depicting how a female artist in 18th century France falls in love with the woman she has been covertly employed to paint. Portrait is very much a film about the act of looking, and in many ways it’s the ultimate female gaze film - it’s all about women looking at women, as depicted by a female filmmaker. Gazes are political as much as they’re romantic - here, our two heroines drink each other, aware of exactly how dangerous and forbidden their mutual intoxication is. The woozy thrall of their relationship is exquisitely conveyed through the cinematography and direction, and the final shot - which I won’t spoil - is an all-timer that serves as an exquisite coda to the entire film. This is a truly superb film, and I’m still incensed that it received no substantial awards recognition. Let’s hope it goes down in film history as the masterpiece it is, yet another omission proving the limitations of the Oscars as a metric for great art.

1. The Favourite (dir.  Yorgos Lanthimos)

This completely wowed me, and against all the odds it stuck with me as the best film I saw in 2019 - it features a trio of magnificently compelling female characters (played by Olivia Colman, Rachel Weisz and Emma Stone) operating at the court of Queen Anne (Colman is Anne, Weisz and Stone are courtiers), and is laser-focused on the shifting sands of the power dynamics between them. The script is savage without sacrificing poignancy, witty without ceasing to be emotionally honest. And while I’ve seen some react to this film as a comedy (and it certainly has laughs, most of which are tightly packaged with shock), for me it was very clearly a drama about the inscrutable and complicated relationships that exist between women. Specifically, it is about how those relationships run the gamut from sincere affinity to ruthless manipulation. This is a spectacular movie, visually and thematically rich in every frame, and it also has the best use of an Elton John song in 2019 (sorry, Rocketman!).

Fly away, skyline pigeon fly, towards the things you’ve left so very, so very far, behind.

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Riding High Ch 17: Welcome To Miami

Chapter Summary: Frank, Fliss and the Circle Of Truth take a Road Trip….

Chapter Warnings: Bad Language words. SMUT (NSFW) No under 18s!!!

Chapter Pairings:  Frank Adler x OFC Fliss Gallagher

A/N: As always, gotta thank @icanfeelastormbrewing for her help and suggestions with this!

Chapter Song:   Live Forever by Oasis

Series Masterlist  // Main Masterlist 

Maybe you're the same as me, we see things they'll never see, you and I are gonna live forever

June 2018

“How’s Fliss?” Gregg asked as Frank leaned back in his chair, hand curled round his bottle of beer. 

Frank looked at his friend and took a deep breath “She says she’s ok. I think it’s the waiting that’s the worst. Knowing the board’s been held is one thing, not knowing the outcome….” “I know it’s hard and easy for me to say this but…well, even if he gets out he won’t be allowed anywhere near her. As I explained to her likely hood is he’ll be tagged and on a curfew and movements restricted to the state of Mass.” Gregg took a sip of his drink “And if it isn’t done automatically, through the appeal process I can file for further restrictions as well around him contacting her in any way, shape or form…but I’d be surprised if that isn’t a condition.”

“I know.” Frank said, “And she gets that…I think it’s more anger about the whole thing now you know?” “It sucks.” Gregg nodded “He spent so long abusing her and he’s still managing to do it in a way through all this.” Frank raised his eyebrows and took a drink of his beer, nodding to Jake and Simon as they approached their table.

“I know I don’t need to ask but…” Frank started but Gregg raised a hand.

“You’re right, you don’t.” he said, understanding immediately that Frank was asking him to keep quiet, and he nodded as their two friends arrived at the table. After the greetings they all settled down reaching for a beer from the bucket that sat in the middle of them all, the conversation easy. Frank was happy to see the boys, he hadn’t in a few weeks so he’d grabbed the opportunity for a few beers happily, Fliss and Mary practically shoving him out of the door as they had some girly night in planned with Roberta consisting of popcorn, pizza, facemasks and a Marvel DVD, Fliss and Roberta assuring him whole heartedly they were watching it because it was a good film and not merely to perve on Chris Hemsworth or Evans or whoever the hell the Chris was in this particular one.

Whatever, sweetheart.

“So…” Simon said, looking around the table “Are we still on for a weekend somewhere? 22nd to 24th June?”

They all made noises, and Frank nodded. “Schedules cleared, baby sitter lined up…we just need to decide where we’re going.”

“Well, I got something to suggest to y’all…” Jake grinned “Greg already knows about this, but basically, the Company we’re doing the promotional work for has offered us up to 10 each for the Miami Rocks Concert which runs that weekend....so if you’re interested.”

“Rock music?” Simon looked at him, and Jake shook his head. 

“Not just rock.” he said, leaning forward “It’s a combination of tribute acts and the real deal…and there’s different stages each with a different genre, and the main stage which contains the big acts.” “Ok, I’m interested…” Frank leaned forward.

“So the Friday night is a rewind to the 70s, 80s and 90s… headlined by none other than Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, Mr Will Smith himself…” Frank let out a snort and looked at Simon who had started bopping in his seat, clicking his fingers.

“That finishes about midnight and then Saturday is the big one. You got 5 Seconds of Summer, George Ezra and Liam Gallagher from Oasis headlining that night.” Jake continued “The other stages rage from all sorts. Mo-Town, Indie, Chart, Reggae…and then there’s a party after which continues until early hours, run by Hot Dub Time Machine.”

“Shut the front door!” Simon snorted “Hot Dub?”

Jake nodded.

“Dude I saw him one New Year’s Eve in New York a few years ago.” Simon said “He was brilliant!”

Frank sat and listened as his friends started to discuss the concert in more detail. He had to admit, it sounded like a pretty good idea, and just the distraction Fliss could do with.

“Hate to be the voice of logic…” Simon said. “But if it’s only like three weeks off, wont’ we have trouble getting hotel rooms?”

“Fuck that, I’ll sleep on the back of the truck.” Frank said, causing the rest of them to laugh. “No need Frankie-boi, I work for the Hyatt Group man.” Jake shook his head “Three rooms already reserved out in the Regency, about 10 minutes’ walk if that from Bayfront Park where the concert is…just in case you fancied it. $100 a room for 2 nights, including a late checkout on the Sunday coz, well, we’re gonna need it.”

“Three?” Frank frowned.

“You and Fliss, Simon and Bonnie, and Me and Greg…” “What about Zara and Lisa?” he frowned “I thought this was a couple’s thing, not a boys weekend away…”

“Well it was going to be…” Greg shrugged “But Zara’s away with the kids that weekend, decided to go back to California as her sister is being taken in for a C-section, and of course she has to be there…”

“And it’s Lisa’s idea of hell…” Jake supplied.

“So why don’t we re-arrange?” Simon asked.

“Fuck that!” Jake snorted “I’m got a child and fiancée free pass for the weekend.” “Amen brother!” Gregg hi-fived him.

“But you two can bring your girls, no problem…they’re cool” Jake gestured between Frank and Simon with his beer bottle. “Thanks for your permission…” Frank raised an eyebrow.

****

Naturally, Fliss was over the moon with the promise of a music festival, especially when she looked up the acts that were on. So, when the Friday in question rolled around, after dropping Mary at school, with strict instructions she was to behave herself as Frank WOULD be checking, they set off in Fliss’ jeep, Frank driving as she lounged in the passenger seat, eyes hidden by her aviators, hair pulled into a loose side pony tail as they made the four hour down the coast and across state to Florida, stopping half way for some food at a roadside diner.

Given that Simon and Bonnie weren’t due to arrive until just gone 5 ish, Bonnie having to finish the morning’s classes before she could leave and that Jake and Greg were here having come down the night before, when they had checked in they decided to freshen up and go for a walk, Fliss eager to hit Lincoln Road Mall. They spent a few hours just walking and looking in the shops, eventually finding a Pandora one which Fliss headed into wanting a new charm for her bracelet as a memory of the weekend. She paced the shop eventually settling for a silver palm tree with a small diamond in the middle of the trunk and Frank batted her hand down when she went to pay, instead producing his card. The usual argument about who was paying ensued, which eventually Frank won by telling Fliss that he wanted to be the one that filled that bracelet for her, and she relented, smiling softly. Frank didn’t miss the relieved look on the shop assistant’s face as she finally waved the out of the store.

They met Jake and Greg in a bar not far from the hotel, and they were joined by Bonnie and Simon for a drink before the two girls announced they were heading off to get changed and ready for the evening.  Frank left it until about 20 minutes before he needed to be ready and headed up to their room, pulling on one of his infamous hideous Hawaiian shirts which he had brought especially. Fliss looked at him, shaking her head with a fond smile on her face as he innocently asked her what the problem was. She laughed and told him nothing at all, before she gave him a kiss and they headed down to meet the others.

The walk down to the Park took them 10 minutes. Fliss was walking slightly ahead with Bonnie, her braid swinging down her back, gently brushing against the yellow off the shoulder top she was wearing. Her bottom half was dressed in denim shorts, a pair of pink converse boots on her feet. She’d certainly embraced the Festival Vibe, opting for bright colours in honour of the fact they were heading back musically a few decades. They arrived and joined the queue to exchange their tickets for wrists bands which took them about 15 minutes, and then they joined the lines to get through the main gates. That didn’t take long at all and once they were through they followed the crowd before Greg stopped, and looked around.

“We get split up…” “We all got phones!” Jake snorted “What are you, 50?”

“Sorry, force of habit with the kids…” Greg let out a groan as everyone laughed.

“So the main stage is that way…” Jake said, pointing to his left “Right at the back. DJ stage is there, and the other stages are dotted about…anyone got any preference on where we go?” “Other than Will Smith I really wanna to go the 80s stage!” Fliss grinned and Bonnie Hi-Fived her.

“Yeah we got some Duran Duran to dance to.” she agreed. “And Erasure.”

“And Wham.” “And Culture Club….” “Yeah, we get the picture…” Simon rolled his eyes.

“Oh and I want to see the Queen and AC/DC tributes.” Fliss finished.

“Anything else?” Frank looked at her.

“Beer.” she nodded “We need beer.”

“Well we need tokens.” Jake said, “No cash at the bar, tokens only so…the tent is over there…”

They all set off, Fliss and Bonnie hanging behind chatting away, but it wasn’t long before their chatter died down and Frank turned to see that, actually, it hadn’t died down, they’d disappeared. “Where the hell are the girls?”  Simon asked, looking round as he realised they were missing.

“Knowing Fliss in some tent getting her face painted…” Frank paused, turning on the spot before he spotted them. Fliss was stood as Bonnie was sat on a stool, having some sort of Festival glitter painted around her temple and eye socket. “Yup, there you go…” Simon followed his gaze and snorted. “Fucking hell…what are they, 8?” “Leave ‘em be.” Frank said fondly “Come on, let’s go get the drinks sorted.”

He waved at Fliss, before pointing to where they were going and she gave him a thumbs up to show she understood, before Bonnie stood up and she sat down. Frank smiled at her face as it lit up and he headed off after Simon.

By the time they had gotten the tokens and ordered beers for them all, the girls still hadn’t joined them, and it didn’t take long to realise why. They were both in a tent which contained 2 electronic dance mats, right in the middle of a very energetic dance off.

“It’s like having a pair of kids…” Simon mumbled the boys stood by the entrance to the tent whilst Frank simply grinned. As they watched Bonnie made a mistake, the mat flashed red, and then another one, before Fliss made one too. The two girls’ foot work was ridiculously fast as the song gathered pace and finally the routine ended. Fliss grinned and hi-fived Bonnie as their scores flashed up, Fliss winning by 60 points.

“Yesss!” she grinned punching the air as Bonnie shook her head and the man handed them both some really tacky bright pink beaded necklaces for taking part.

“Re-match…” Bonnie said, looking at Fliss as they both dropped the necklaces over their heads.

“Maybe later, I’m fucked now…” Fliss said, bending over, hands on her knees as she drew her breath “I need a drink!”

She turned and saw the boys in the doorway, Frank raised an eyebrow and held up the beer and she grinned.

“I knew I bought you for something.” He rolled his eyes and then Greg suggested they head off to the first stage for the start of the 80s Tribute acts. They only intended to stay for a short while but Fliss begged Frank to stay longer, and was backed up by Bonnie as the Duran-Duran band came on. Fliss told Frank if he wanted to go and meet up later he could, but truth be told he didn’t want to. This was as much a weekend for him and her as it was for him and his friends, so with that in mind Simon and Frank both decided to stay with the girls and that they would find the others later.

And Frank was glad of his decision, as about 20 minutes later, when Hungry Like the Wolf started to play, Fliss was bouncing around like a lunatic. He knew it was one of her favourite songs, and seeing her cutting loose was making him a little horny if truth be told. He moved up behind her and grabbed her hips, swaying with her in time to the music as he dropped a kiss to her shoulder, gently singing along as she danced in front of him, occasionally brushing up against the front of his shorts, which was doing nothing to help his current situation.

“Someone’s definitely on the hunt down…” she teased, pushing her ass back into his crotch whilst she turned her head to face him as the song morphed into Rio. He grinned and gave her a kiss.

“Not hunting, I already got you.” “Hmm, yeah you did…” she murmured against his lips.

The continued dancing with one another, Simon and Bonnie doing the same before the 4 of them all decided they were ready for another drink. As fate would have it, they found Greg and Jake already at the bar. They muscled their way in, grabbed another beer and then all turned to head towards one of the tall, standing tables which were dotted around not far from the bar. Frank waited for Fliss as she had ordered a bottle of water too, and the guy serving had forgotten it. When he came back, apologising, Fliss waved him off and thanked him as Frank picked the bottle up and stuck it in his pocket. He reached for Fliss’ hand, and they were making their way over to their friends when suddenly he felt Fliss yell out and she stopped dead. He turned to face her, seeing someone had bumped into her and her beer had spilt all down her top.

“Hey, come on man…” Frank looked at the guy as Fliss pulled her hand out of his to wipe at her top “Be careful huh…” But the man wasn’t looking at him, his eyes were fixed completely on Fliss. “Yes, wouldn’t want an accident now would we, Felicity?” At the sound of her full name Frank instantly knew this had to be someone to do with her ex-husband and he reached out for Fliss as he saw her stiffen and slowly she raised her head to look at the man, her eyes widening and she swallowed.

“Richard.” she spoke softly.

“Fancy seeing you here. Must be nice to be free to do what you want.” “Yeah, well, making up for lost time I suppose…” she said, “I didn’t exactly get a lot of chance to have fun when your brother was beating the shit out of me.”

Her chin raised a little defiantly and Frank felt a surge of pride as she stood up for herself, the anger evident on her face.

“You’re a fucking liar…” Richard said and Frank immediately stepped in.

“Ok that’s enough…” he said sternly, looking at the man “We’re not here for any trouble, we’re just out for a good time with friends, and I’d like to keep it that way. So, if you don’t mind, we’re done here.” he turned to Fliss and slid his arm round her waist, making to steer her away.

“You need to be careful.” Richard spoke to Frank’s retreating back. “Now she’s got her claws into you, you’re done…first sign of trouble she’ll be accusing you of all sorts.”

Frank sighed, he’d tried to be reasonable, but the anger felt like it was bubbling from his feet and he whirled round, placing himself in between the man and Fliss. “Listen, asshole, why don’t you just fuck off?” he spoke, tone laced with venom. “Your brother is a nasty, wife beating, rapist piece of shit.”

At that Richard stepped forward, drawing himself to full height, still a good 3 inches shorter than Frank. His fists balled as he clenched his hands at his side, his mouth curled up into a snarl.

“She’s a liar.”  Richard pointed at Fliss, before his attention turned back to Frank. “She lied and because of her, John’s life and career is ruined…” “His life? Ruined?” Frank barked out a laugh “Your brother got nothing more than he deserved, and so will you if you don’t get the fuck outta my face.”

“Frank…” Fliss pleaded with him, pulling on his arm and desperately looking around for help before this descended into a fight. Thankfully, she caught Jake’s eye who hit Greg on the shoulder, who in turn tapped Simon, and the three of them plus Bonnie hastily started to jog over.

“If he was that bad why has he been considered for parole?” Richard shrugged “An appeal his lawyer is convinced he’ll win…” Richard said, taking a step back as the other men approached. “And that’s all because they finally saw through her lies…” Frank made an angry noise but Greg pushed himself in between the two men, patting Frank on the chest.

“Come on buddy…” he said. “Whatever it is, leave it…” Jake went to grab Frank’s arm, but he jerked it out of his grip.

“I’ll tell you this…” Frank said, pointing at Richard “If he gets out, you can tell him from me, he stays the fuck away from my girl, and the rest of my family, you got that? Or I’ll put him in a hospital, see how he likes it.”

“Big man making all the threats huh?” “It ain’t a threat, it’s a god-damned promise.” Frank snarled. Richard gave a snort of a laugh before he allowed his wife to steer him away, shooting one last contemptuous glance at both him and Fliss.

“What the fuck?” Simon turned to Frank, who completely ignored him and moved to where Fliss was stood, her arms wrapped cross her front, hugging herself, Bonnie gently talking to her.

“You ok?” he asked her gently and she gave a nod as he took her in his arms, hugging her tightly, hand falling to the back of her head.

Gregg gave Frank a questioning look, which Frank answered with two words “His brother.” Gregg’s mouth fell open and he gave a nod of understanding.

“Who’s brother?” Jake pressed, “What just happened? I’m so confused.” “To be fair that doesn’t take much…” Frank heard Gregg say which earned him a “Fuck you” in response, and the two men began to bicker as Fliss stepped back from his arms. Frank looked down at her, taking her face in his hands.  “You good?” 

“Yeah…” she nodded “You shouldn’t have risen to him.” “Probably not.” he shrugged “But I’m not having that piece of shit or anyone associated with him trash mouthing you.”

“My hero…” she rolled her eyes, but the smile on her face told him he wasn’t in too much trouble. He gave a snort of a laugh and dropped a kiss to her head. “Can we go back to the dancing now please? And I need another beer, that ass hole spilt mine.” “Is it time for tequila yet?” Bonnie asked, offering Fliss a drink of her beer. Fliss took a sip, shaking her head 

“I swore after last time I would never drink that shit again.”

“But that was a lie, right?” Bonnie looked at her as she passed her pint back over.

“Yup, a very big lie…” Fliss agreed, causing the rest of the group to laugh.

So they did their tequila. Several shots of to be intact and spent the rest of the night wandering stage to stage, lapping up the atmosphere. Frank kept a close eye on his girl who seemed none the worse for her encounter as she danced the night away with him and Bonnie, the 2 of them disappearing at one point for a walk around the various stalls that were around the outside, coming back with a packet of interlocking glow sticks which they proceeded to activate and make head wear out of.  

Will Smith took to the stage at about 10 pm and Frank was beside himself with laughter as Fliss reverted to some kind of school kid. She seemed to know every single word to every goddamned song he had, and when it came to Men In Black she launched expertly into the dance routine that half the crowd were doing, in time to the video showing behind the stage.  Simon and Jake tried to copy her before they both gave up and when she finished she turned around and Frank raised his beer to her and she bowed, as they all laughed. Deciding that they didn’t want to stay for the after party, considering they knew it was going to be a really late one the next evening, instead they agreed to head down to the beach. They managed to find a guy who was walking round with a cool box selling beer and they bought 2 bottles each, for twice the price they should be but, whatever…

When in Miami…

As they walked across the sand, Frank looped his arm round Fliss’ shoulder whilst they weaved themselves through the various mini-parties which seemed to be going on as people were set up all over with small fires, beer, drinks and music playing. Frank had a sneaking suspicion half of them were probably intending on sleeping there too. Eventually they found a clear spot and flopped down onto the sand, under the illumination of one of the boardwalk lights and then Simon stood up, heading over to a group of teenagers sat a bit to their right.

“What’s he doing?” Greg asked.

“I think he’s reverse bootlegging.” Jake said and Frank gave a snort of laughter.

“What?” Fliss frowned, “What’s that?” “Instead of selling alcohol to underage kids he’s buying it off them, look.” Frank said, nodding to him. Fliss watched as Simon slipped one of the kids a twenty and took the bottle of vodka he was offering to them, raising it up as he walked back.

“What the fuck man?” Greg snorted “That’s…”

“Shameful.” Jake nodded before he chuckled, shaking his head. “I love it.” With a grin Simon dropped down next to Bonnie, standing the bottle of vodka up in the middle of the circle they seemed to have made as Fliss sat between Frank’s legs, leaning back against his chest. His spare hand ran up and down the outside of her thigh softly as they all sat chatting about the evening, comparing their best bits and what they were looking forward to tomorrow evening. Eventually, someone, Frank wasn’t sure who, decided that they should play Never Have I Ever, and Fliss eagerly agreed, jumping in with the first question.

“Ok, never have I ever driven a boat…” Fliss smirked.

“What, that’s a crap one!” Frank snorted “Everyone here’s probably driven one…including you.”

“Nope…”

“Bullshit!” he snorted “On our first date, and several times since…”

“I sailed it Frankie, I didn’t drive it…”

He paused for a moment and then looked up as everyone in the circle grinned.

“She’s right man…” Simon conceded “I sailed mine too…” “And me…”

“And me…”

“Oh fuck you!” Frank spluttered as they all laughed at him. Fliss handed him the bottle, which he took from her with a glare taking a mouthful. Fucking hell, he could tell it was cheap as it burnt like paint stripper as he swallowed, wincing.

That was basically the way the game went. Each trying to deliberately catch everyone else out. Simon caught Jake spectacularly, forcing him to reveal a tale about how he got locked out of a hotel room, naked on the balcony and climbed down 2 storeys to go and get a spare key from reception, Simon repeatedly got Bonnie on a number of occasions before Frank caught Fliss out with the tale of how she had once called her University Lecturer “Daddy.” by mistake.

“Ok, Never have I ever…”  Fliss paused, before a wicked grin spread on her face and she looked at Frank “Called anyone else’s name during sex.”

“Oh God…” Frank heard Bonnie mumble from where she was sat, but before he could even open his mouth to call Fliss an ass hole, he saw Greg reaching for the bottle.

“No WAY!” Fliss spluttered, looking at Greg “What? When!”

“I was about 21…” Greg said, scrunching up his face. “I was in bed with a girl and, well, I called her mom’s name.” The entire group fell silent before Jake, Frank and Simon all let out a roar of laughter, and Fliss snorted, grinning from ear to ear.

“That’s…impressive.” Frank nodded as Greg put the bottle down and Fliss picked it up and handed it to Frank. Everyone turned their attention to him as he narrowed his eyes and grabbed it from her.

“Spill.” Simon pointed at him.

“I err, well…look, it…” Frank stuttered over his words “I was…look we don’t need to discuss this…” he said, knocking back the vodka and avoiding Bonnie’s eyes, shaking his head “I plead the 5th.” There were various groans around the group but when they realised Frank wasn’t going to budge Greg shrugged, calling him a pussy, and picked the next category.

“Never have I ever kissed someone of the same sex.” he said, with a raised eyebrow. Both Fliss and Bonnie moved for the bottle at the same time, and the boys all cheered. 

“Was it each other?” Simon grinned “Please tell me it was…” “Ok,no…that…” Frank began to protest, hiccupping slightly.  “That would be weird…”

“No it wasn’t each other.” Bonnie grinned at Simon “I was 17, playing spin the bottle and had to kiss this girl called Eva…” “And that’s it?” Simon asked. 

“Yeah…” she nodded, taking a drink from the bottle before she passed it to Fliss.

“Spill…” Frank instructed her, his hand on her hip where she was still nestled in between his legs.

“I was 19…and, yeah, well, I experimented” she shrugged. “A few times…”

“Wait, there was…” Frank looked at her as she turned her head to grin at him “You did more than kiss?”

“For me to know and you to find out Sailor…” she winked. Well fuck me!

Another 15 minutes or go they’d exhausted the bottle of vodka and decided to call it a night. Bonnie was faring the worst out of them all, her and Simon walking a little behind everyone as he kept his arm round her to keep her steady. Frank noticed Fliss was remarkably with it considering what they’d drunk, but then for such a small person she did have quite a high tolerance, and she’d drunk a hell of a lot of water as well.

At the hotel they bid everyone goodnight and headed up to their room where Fliss decided she needed to shower to get rid of all the glitter and sand and sweat from dancing. Frank was inclined to agree so let her go first, swapping over after 10 minutes or so with an exchange of a soft kiss in the bathroom doorway. By the time Frank got out of the shower Fliss was sat cross legged on the large bed dressed in a camisole and boy-shorts set which was white with multi-coloured polka dots on it. It was the set he had bought her for Valentine’s Day, along with a set of baby-pink lace underwear. He loved seeing her in lace, but there was something about the lounge sets like the one she was wearing now that gave her an innocence, made her look so comfy and so settled that he adored seeing her wearing them around the house and to bed…even if they didn’t stay on long.

She grinned up at him as he smiled, crossing to drop a kiss on her head.

“You raid the minibar?” he asked, nodding to the packet of chips she had ripped open.

“Yeah.” she shrugged “Figured fuck it, why not?” “Well…”he crossed the room and opened the fridge which was under the TV unit “In for a penny…” he pulled two beers out, popped the tops and passed her one.

“Don’t you think we’ve had enough?”

“Can you see straight?”

“Yeah…”

“Then no.” he said and she laughed, taking it from him.

“You’re a bad man Frank Adler.” “I try.” he quipped. She shook her head, smiling before she reached for her phone which had just gone off. Frank whipped the towel from around his waist and stepped into a clean pair of boxers before he roughly dried his hair.

“Bonnie says her and Simon are hitting the beach during the day tomorrow…do you fancy it?” “Sure.” he nodded, dropping to the bed, laying down on his side, propping himself up on his elbow as he reached for a Dorito.

“At least I think that’s what this message says. ‘Going to the Bitch…’ I mean that’s gotta be beach huh?”

Frank snorted as Fliss scrunched up the empty chip bag and tossed it across the room where it settled just besides the bin. They both looked at it for a second before Fliss shrugged. ”She was trashed.”

“I’m not surprised.” Fliss said, moving to toss her phone onto the night table before she too settled on her side, facing Frank, elbow on the pillow “Simon was deliberately asking questions in that game where he knew she’d have to drink…” “Oh and you weren’t…” he looked at Fliss who shrugged, grinning cheekily “Never have I ever called anyone else’s name during sex, I mean seriously! She was right there!”

“I know, which is what made it so funny.” “Funny is not the word I would use…” “Oh whatever, and as if Greg has done that too!” she said, chuckling as she also settled on her side “He’s a dark horse…” “So are you…” he looked at her taking a long drink of his beer. “In fact….I think you need to tell me more about these lesbian encounters you experienced whilst experimenting aged 19."  

"They weren't proper lesbian encounters, I was teasing you...."

"I don't care, make em up." He said and she let out a laugh.

"If I do will it get me something nice?" she grinned.

"Something very, very nice."  He raised an eyebrow suggestively.

Fliss grinned and then launched into a clearly made up bullshit story about some girl called Candy and Frank completely zoned out. He was simply too caught up concentrating on the childish, teasing expression on her face as she spoke. Her eyes were shining in the dim light of the room as she talked and grinned in the same manner she had been doing all night. Not even the encounter with that asshole’s brother has dampened her spirit. She was just enjoying herself, freely. And so was he. She said she couldn't remember the last festival or concert she had been to, and Frank had admitted the same. It had to have been easily 10 years ago. It felt good to be recapturing that part of their lives they had both given up (albeit for very different reasons) and making new memories together that he knew would last a lifetime.

A lifetime...huh, how about that?

He zoned back in just in time to hear Fliss' very risqué story telling, and dropped his head with a sight that was half laugh, half groan at her filthy tale.

"...and her thighs were so strong, it was ridiculous, my ears were squashed so hard, I felt like my head was in a vice. Still, I managed to-"

"Ok..." he said, taking her beer off her and setting it down on his nightstand along with his, before he leaned over Fliss, caging her with his arms "I'm getting kinda jealous...and a bit turned on...it’s kinda confusing.

“You asked…” she muttered as his face dropped her hers.

“Yeah, I did…” he said softly, his lips brushing against hers “And I promised you something nice…” “Very,very nice…” Fliss said, her hands sliding up his arms to his shoulder.

“Well, I’m a man of my word…” he grinned, lips pressing to hers harder this time in a soft, deep kiss which he pulled away from and ran his nose against hers.

“Turn over…”

“What?” she looked at him, her eyes widening slightly.

“You trust me?”

“Of course I do…” “Then turn over…”

She took a deep breath, and looked at him and he looked straight back, fully understanding what she was thinking. He’d never asked her to do that before. “Lissy, I promise I’m not gonna hurt you.” “I know you’re not…” she said, shaking her head, before she bit her lip and he moved back so she could turn over onto her stomach. With gently finger tips he brushed her hair off her shoulders, sweeping it to one side gently dropping soft kisses down her neck as his hands traced down to her hips. He gently grasped her top and she moved to allow him to slide it up and over.

The sheets on the bed rustled slightly as he moved downwards, pressing his lips to the small of her back, watching her reaction carefully as he saw her fingers clutching softly at the pillow. He continued his affections, lips and hands exploring every part of the soft skin on her back until he was fully led over her, thighs bracketing hers, his mouth gently sucking at that spot behind her ear that drove her wild. And right on cue she let out a low groan and he felt his groin twitch at the noise. Fliss could feel his hardness against her back and as his teeth gently grazed her ear she felt her spine arch slightly.

He moved away, and his hand gently slid to grasp at the hem of her shorts, and she tilted her hips up slightly so he could pull them down, hurriedly departing with his own boxers before he resumed his previous position.

“You good?” he asked her softly and she nodded in response.

With gentle hands he reached down between her legs to finding her hot and wet for him already. At his touch she arched her back again. Frank let out a grin and moved slightly so he could part her thighs with his knee. Repositioning himself, he led flat, his arms sliding up hers so he could lace his fingers with hers, palms resting on the backs of her hands and he gently pushed into her, the pair of them giving a groan at the feeling and tightness of this angle. He gently thrust, his chest sliding up over her back, and she moved ever so slightly with him, her head tilted back slightly and she turned her face towards his where he caught her mouth in a slow, sloppy kiss. Frank continued his languid, deep movements, listening to the quickening of her breath and eventually he felt her hips beginning to rise in slow circles, her whimpers increasing.

He gently knelt up, and pulled her hips so she was perched on her knees, pushing into her slowly, deeply, letting her get used to the position that they’d never tried before because Frank knew it wasn’t one she had good memories of but right now, her body was relaxed and she was giving him everything. His hand reached up and he traced down her spine before he leaned over and placed another soft kiss on her neck before he moved and grasped at her hips again, his pace gently quickening, a low moan escaping his mouth as Fliss pushed back onto him, wordlessly telling him she wanted more. He thrust forwards again and again, pulling her back onto him at the same time, his eyes focussed on where they were joined, the sight of him sliding in and out of her made him moan with desire.

“Don’t stop…” he heard her half pant, half whisper and he picked up the pace ever so slightly, leaning over to gently nip at the back of her neck, causing her to shudder, a deep growl rumbled in his chest as her walls briefly squeezed around him.

“Fuck, baby…” he groaned as her hands clutched at the bed sheets whilst he buried himself deep inside of her stilling for a moment.

“Frankie…” she whined and squirmed as she turned to look at him over her shoulder. Once glance at his clenched jaw and she knew he was trying to fight back his high as he picked up his previous movements, just a little bit faster. She was close, quietly moaning his name as she dropped her head back down, forehead against the pillows, her spine arching as he continued to thrust.

Frank groaned again “Come on sweetheart...” his voice deeper like it always was when he was in the throes of desire, “let go for me.” He rolled his hips forwards, five or six more times before she was done.

“Fuck, Frank, I…” she let out a broken cry as her core spasmed again and again and her entire body trembled as a loud lament spilled from her lips. He was done himself, and with a groan of her name his relief washed over him with an intensity he couldn’t even begin to describe.

Fliss collapsed forward and Frank tumbled with her, his chest onto her back, his weight crushing her in the best way possible for a second ot two before he rolled onto his side. Reaching out, his hand gently across her bare back as Fliss face, which was pressed into the pillow turned to face him.

He leaned over and gave her a soft kiss, brushing her hair off her face.

“OK…” she mumbled, nodding at him “I’ll concede. That was very, very nice…”

******* “You behaving?” Frank asked Mary as he and Fliss lay in bed the next morning, the phone held at arms-length so they could both see her.

“Yeah, of course…” Mary rolled her eyes “Bill took me to the yard last night and Joanne helped me tack Monty up and then Bill walked round the field with us so the dogs could have a run and it was awesome!”

“When I get back we’ll do the full trail ride.” Fliss smiled at her “Takes a good hour, we can go one evening before it gets dark.”

“Cool!” Mary grinned, bending down and then suddenly Fred’s bemused face filled the screen. Frank snorted as he was instructed to say hi to Fred, which he did, before the cat settled down on Mary’s lap and she continued to chat to him about what she had done the night before…which was basically staying up until gone midnight with Bill watching Harry Potter in the movie room.

Eventually they got her to pass the phone over to Verity, who assured Frank she was no trouble, and then they cut the call and decided to get up and head down for breakfast to meet everyone.

The day was spent lazily on the beach. Fliss hardly moved at all, simply soaking up the sun as Frank and Simon continuously brought her and Bonnie a supply of drinks as the man remained by the bar at the top of the sand.

“I gotta ask…”Bonnie said, turning to look at Fliss “And tell me to shut up if I’m outta line but yesterday, that guy Frank looked like he wanted to kill…who was he? Simon says he’s never seen Frank that angry…” “Oh, err…” Fliss rubbed her head “It was my ex-husbands brother, he was being an ass hole.” “Oh.” Bonnie frowned “I take it you don’t get along…nasty break up?” “You could say that…” Fliss said, taking a sip of her drink, tapping the straw lightly on her lips. “John…my ex…he er…he used to beat me. Badly. He’s actually in prison, well, for how long we don’t know as he had his parole hearing about 4 weeks ago so..” “Oh shit…” Bonnie dropped her gaze “Sorry, I didn’t…” “It’s ok.” Fliss said, waving off the usual apologies that came when she told someone about her past.

There was a moment of silence before Bonnie sat up and looked at Fliss.

“Wanna go for a dip?”

Fliss glanced at her, then down to the ocean and grinned, nodding.

Yelling to the boys to watch their stuff they headed down to the waves, Fliss happily diving straight in, simply allowing herself to float. She was calm, relaxed, and couldn’t remember a time she’d ever felt so happy before.

Eventually, it hit 5pm and Fliss was hungry. So they decided to pack up, grab a bite from the bar and then go change ready for the evening. Fliss had to smile as she saw Frank and the rest of the boys stood at a table by the beach bar all clutching pints and laughing. He was dressed in a pink shirt, black shorts with a baseball cap on the wrong way, glasses shielding his eyes.

“I never realised what an overgrown Frat Boy I’m dating.” Fliss mumbled to Bonnie who snorted as they made their way up the wooden boardwalk, beach bags in their hand.

“Hey pretty girl.” Frank smiled as Fliss slid under his arm, reaching for his pint. With a roll of his eyes he watched as she took a huge drink. “You know if you want one I’ll get you one…” “Tastes better when it’s someone else’s…” Fliss shrugged.

“Yeah, why is that?” Bonnie asked.

“Because it’s stolen.” Simon looked at her “Well known fact, forbidden fruit just tastes better.”

Fliss went again for Frank’s drink and he jerked it out of her reach “Piss off, look, here…” he said, reaching into his pocket and handing her his wallet “Go to the bar…” She grinned and dropped a kiss to his lips, turning away, Bonnie following.

“Dude you’re so whipped.” Jake snorted at him.

“Yeah, I don’t much care.” Frank shrugged, burping slightly as he looked at Fliss, taking in her appearance. Her hair was falling around her face and down her back in a mass of long, messy salt and sand tangled waves and she was wearing a pink crochet slip over her black bikini. He would happily admit he was well under her spell and that she could whip him all she fucking wanted to.

They grabbed a bite to eat, headed back, changed and made their way to the park for their second night of music. It went much the same as the night before, Bonnie and Fliss taking off on their own adventures, and Frank keeping his eyes peeled for any sign of John’s fucker of a brother, but he didn’t see him.

By the time Liam Gallagher came onto the stage, Fliss was drunk. And so was he. But it didn’t stop her from going wild. Once again she knew every single word to every single song and when he launched into Rock and Roll Star she started pogoing like a person possessed. Mind you, so was everyone else on the dance floor in front of the stage, so Frank joined in. He quite liked this song and, well, if you can’t beat ‘em join ‘em…

He ended the set with Live Forever, Frank’s favourite song that he had done and Fliss sighed happily.

“He’s sooo good!” she said, “Why does he have to go?”

“Because his set has finished.”

“But why?” “Because it has!” Frank laughed “He’s been on for almost an hour and it’s 1 am!”

“Hey, Liss, don’t worry…” Bonnie hiccupped “Hot Dub starts in 20…just enough time for a drink…” “Yes…” Fliss agreed, pointing at her. “But I think I need some water too.”

“Pussy…” Frank looked at her and she narrowed his eyes at him.

“I’ll carry on drinking beer if you want, but you’ll be clearing up my puke later…” He snorted and held his hands up, palms out “Water it is…” Hot Dub Time Machine was surreal. He was on for about an hour and took them through a load of the best party songs from the 60s right through to the present day. One minute Frank was doing the Twist and Shout with Fliss, and the next they were all in a circle air-guitaring to Immigrant Song by Led Zep.

By the time they left the park it was almost half 2 in the morning and Fliss decided that she didn’t want to walk and insisted Frank give her a piggy back. He rolled his eyes but crouched down and she took a jump onto his back as he carried her the 10 minutes or so back to the hotel, Simon groaning at him as Bonnie kept complaining he wouldn’t carry her.

“You’re showing me up, dude!” he glared at Frank who simply shrugged as Fliss smirked.

“I like riding him…” she hiccupped, as everyone burst into laughter and Frank shook his head as she pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“You’re a fucking nightmare” he sniggered and she shrugged.

*****

The next morning everyone was feeling the effects of a heavy weekend, and Frank was pleased that they had the late check out option. Eventually, after dragging themselves out of bed they managed to shower, pack up and head down to check out. There was another argument about who was paying for the room, this time Fliss winning as she put her foot down telling him he was paying for New York and that she really wanted to pay for this. She’d told Frank before about John never letting her have any financial control over anything and Frank knew that it meant a lot to her so he relented, and instead bought them brunch before they set off home.

They got back in time for a roast dinner, and then they headed back to the annex to watch a film, Fliss crashing out halfway through. She left them to it and headed to bed and was flat out by the time Frank made his way upstairs.

“I can’t believe you got the day off!” she moaned at him over breakfast on the Monday morning.

“I can’t believe you didn’t” he shot back

“I can’t…clients and stuff.” she pouted, biting into her toast before she groaned again. “I’m too old for partying all weekend…I can’t hack it anymore.” Frank snorted and took a sip of his coffee before Fliss grinned at him. “Can we go again next year?”

Frank laughed “The Circle Of Truth have already decided it’s going to be an annual thing from now on.” he said, standing up and with a kiss to her head he moved to the stairs yelling for Mary to get a wiggle on. She came down the stairs, Fred and Thor following before she ate her cereal and then Frank bustled her out of the door to drop her off for the last Monday of the school term.

Wednesday lunchtime, however, their happy little bubble burst.

Frank was actually in the sales part of the shop, discussing the benefits of different types of engines with a customer, having been asked to give some advice. He spotted Fliss’ jeep pulling up and as soon as she climbed out and turned towards him, he could tell from her face what was going on.

“Excuse me for just one second…” he politely told the customer, and glancing at his boss he jerked his head towards Fliss. His boss, a nice enough guy called Andy, knew vaguely what was going on and nodded in understanding as Frank stepped outside.

“Baby?” he asked tentatively as Fliss stopped in front of him.

“He did it….” she said softly, stepping into his arm, pressing her face into his chest.  “He made parole. They let the fucker out.”

[swanlake1998]

Dance Magazine Article: The Black Iris Project Is Making Black Story Ballets by Black Artists & for Black Audiences

Date: July 17, 2020

By: Jen Peters

As a Black ballet student, choreographer Jeremy McQueen never felt personally connected to story ballets, much less saw himself represented onstage. Later, as a public school teaching artist for American Ballet Theatre and The Ailey School, McQueen witnessed widespread disinterest in ballet among his students from BIPOC communities. "Working with a diverse demographic, I saw more interest when I was able to connect ballet to their own lives," says McQueen.

During the country's ongoing battle for racial equality, ballet companies have been called upon to increase commitments to diversity, equity and inclusion work within schools, companies, administrative staffs and boards. But rather than wait for fulfilling opportunities, McQueen founded his own collaborative, The Black Iris Project, in 2016. As McQueen states on the collective's website, The Black Iris Project is "where Black lives become works of art."

His 2018 solo, A Mother's Rite, particularly resonates now, as it follows a mother's grief after her son's murder, drawing from ongoing police brutality. The film adaptation featuring Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater artist Courtney Celeste Spears received an Emmy Award nomination. "I tell stories that outline the Black experience, something I had never seen in ballet," says McQueen.

In addition to a revolving collaborative of Black ballet dancers from companies including ABT, Complexions Contemporary Ballet, Brooklyn Ballet, Dance Theatre of Harlem, Ballet Hispanico, New York City Ballet, LA Dance Project and San Francisco Ballet, McQueen works with Black lighting designers, playwrights, poets, costume designers, composers and visual artists. 

"I don't create work for the white gaze, I create for my community so they can see their histories and lives reflected onstage. We amplify voices historically left out," explains McQueen. "It feels like many people think classical ballet should remain untouchable—like all the monuments coming down in our country—but the only way to involve a more diverse community is to shake up the entire experience."

McQueen has become increasingly outspoken against institutional racism and microaggressions in the dance community, posting his "Rockettes Revelation" on June 5, announcing his decision to cut professional ties with the organization due to their "public silence in support of Black lives" following the murder of George Floyd.

He also acknowledges frustrations as the recipient of The Joffrey Ballet's 2013 "Winning Works" Choreographers of Color award, citing minimal mentorship or support. "If companies have diversity initiatives but few or no Black people on staff, it feels performative," says McQueen.

To commemorate the anti-apartheid activist and first Black South African president Nelson Mandela's posthumous 102nd birthday this Saturday, July 18, BronxNet TV will televise the Black Iris Project's ballet based on Mandela's life, MADIBA. The one-act narrative ballet was choreographed by McQueen and features David Adrian Freeland Jr. as Mandela and Daphne M. Lee as Winnie Mandela, with an original composition by Black composer Carman Moore.

Originally performed at New York Live Arts for the collective's 2016 inaugural season, the ballet was curated by Misty Copeland during The John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts 2017 Ballet Across America festival. "Along the way there were many people who doubted me, but when Misty took interest before anyone knew what The Black Iris Project was, it restored my faith," McQueen says. "It seems like it takes receiving a big award for people to give Black choreographers a chance. We need people to take more chances on less guaranteed talent."

[revolutionoftenderness]

"If it should happen one day—and it could be today—that I become a victim of the terrorism, which now seems ready to encompass all the foreigners living in Algeria, I would like my community, my Church, my family, to remember that my life was given to God and to this country. I ask them to accept that the One Master of all life was not a stranger to this brutal departure. I ask them to pray for me: for how could I be found worthy of such an offering? I ask them to be able to associate such a death with the many other deaths that were just as violent, but forgotten through indifference and anonymity.

"My life has no more value than any other. Nor any less value. In any case, it has not the innocence of childhood. I have lived long enough to know that I share in the evil, which seems, alas, to prevail in the world, even in that which would strike me blindly. I should like, when the time comes, to have a clear space, which would allow me to beg forgiveness of God and of all my fellow human beings, and at the same time to forgive with all my heart the one who would strike me down.

"I could not desire such a death. It seems to me important to state this. I do not see, in fact, how I could rejoice if this people I love were to be accused indiscriminately of my murder. It would be to pay too dearly for what will, perhaps, be called "the grace of martyrdom," to owe it to an Algerian, whoever he may be, especially if he says he is acting in fidelity to what he believes to be Islam. I know the scorn with which Algerians as a whole can be regarded. I know also the caricature of Islam, which a certain kind of Islamism encourages. It is too easy to give oneself a good conscience by identifying this religious way with the fundamentalist ideologies of the extremists. For me, Algeria and Islam are something different; they are a body and a soul. I have proclaimed this often enough, I believe, in the sure knowledge of what I have received in Algeria, in the respect of believing Muslims—finding there so often that true strand of the Gospel I learned at my mother's knee, my very first Church.

"My death, clearly, will appear to justify those who hastily judged me naive or idealistic: "Let him tell us now what he thinks of it!" But these people must realize that my most avid curiosity will then be satisfied. This is what I shall be able to do, if God wills—immerse my gaze in that of the Father, to contemplate with him his children of Islam just as he sees them, all shining with the glory of Christ, the fruit of his Passion, filled with the Gift of the Spirit, whose secret joy will always be to establish communion and to refashion the likeness, delighting in the differences.

"For this life given up, totally mine and totally theirs, I thank God who seems to have wished it entirely for the sake of that joy in everything and in spite of everything. In this "thank you," which is said for everything in my life from now on, I certainly include you, friends of yesterday and today, and you my friends of this place, along with my mother and father, my brothers and sisters and their families—the hundred-fold granted as was promised!

"And you also, the friend of my final moment, who would not be aware of what you were doing. Yes, for you also I wish this "thank you"—and this <adieu>—to commend you to the God whose face I see in yours. And may we find each other, happy "good thieves," in Paradise, if it pleases God, the Father of us both. Amen" Dom Christian's last testament

 • May 7 was the first liturgical Memorial of Christian de Cherge and companions, Trappist Martyrs in Algeria who were beatified in 2018. Their witness was featured in the 2010 film “Des Hommes et des Dieux” (“Of Gods and Men”), which won the Grand Prix at the Cannes Film Festival... more: https://www.trappists.org/2020/06/10/trappist-martyrs-of-algeria-remembered/

• "We spent a few days observing the monks, eating in silence with the other people who were going on the retreat, and then we started singing," he says. "And that was really the best preparation. We learned Gregorian chanting. We learned liturgical singing as a group. This is really what got this group of French actors together." More: https://www.npr.org/2011/02/22/133278072/lambert-wilson-of-gods-and-men-and-james-bond

[queermediastudies]

Carol, Romance and Lack of Inclusion

A US trailer for the film.

Carol, a film based on the book The Price of Salt by Patricia Highsmith, starring Rooney Mara and Cate Blanchett, came out in 2015 and attained great critical success. Nominated for 6 Oscars, 5 golden Globes, and 9 BAFTA film awards. It also won two awards in the Cannes film festival, best actress (Rooney Mara), and the Queer Palm award, due to its being “The first time a love story between two women was treated with the respect and significance of any other mainstream cinematic romance.” (IMDB). It is, refreshingly, explicitly queer, avoiding much of the LGBTQ+ audience’s need to undertake a “queer reading” (Doty, 1993) of yet another heterosexual film. The storyline, acting and production of this film are all extremely well done; however, it has several problematic factors such as its lack of LGBTQ+ cast members in its lead roles, lack of racially diverse casting, and marketing that hid the film’s queer storyline.

The movie tells the love story of two women living in the 1950s. Therese, played by Rooney Mara, is a department store clerk in New York City. While at work, she runs into a customer, Carol, played by Cate Blanchett, with whom she has an unexpected connection. The two women gradually begin a romantic relationship. Carol’s soon to be ex-husband, Harge (played by Kyle Chandler), complicates things by attempting to stop her contact with their daughter due to the “immorality” of her relationship with Therese. Unable to see her daughter, Carol takes Therese on a road trip, where they fall deeper in love. On their road trip, they discover that Harge has hired someone to follow them and collect evidence of Carol’s “immoral behavior.” After Harge’s discovery, Carol leaves Therese a letter with her best friend Abby (Played by Sarah Paulson) in which she ends their relationship. Heartbroken, Therese returns to New York  and begins a new chapter of her life in which she embraces her lesbianism. After deciding that living a life free from Harge’s shaming of her sexuality is more important to her than having full custody of her daughter, Carol leaves him for good and calls Therese. The movie ends with their long, lingering eye contact across a restaurant, implying that they end up together.

A silly (but informative) video that summarizes and comments on the movie.

This movie tells a beautiful, if complicated, love story between two women set in the 1950s. It does not fall for many of the storyline pitfalls that many other lesbian films do, such as an unhappy ending due to homophobia, or sex or love scenes directed for the male gaze. In fact, the film was intentionally directed as if seen through the eyes of 1950s underground female photographers.

A Vanity Fair interview with Cate Blanchett in which she discusses the film’s directing style.

It is “unabashedly romantic” (Blanchett, 2016) and urges the audience to fall in love with Carol along with Therese. It also does not follow a rule of “gay and lesbian representation: no sexual interaction.” (Dow, 2001), but includes it in such a way that it contributes to the story without adding gratuity or oversexualization of either character. There is a great deal complexity to the two characters, and their love story is not the only thing happening in the film, which feels refreshing because “mainstream Hollywood films that deal with actual gay and lesbian lives and issues are extremely rare.” (Bernshoff and Griffin, 2004). They are not one-dimensional characters, they face outside pressures, such as Therese learning what she wants, not only in a partner, but in her professional life as she works to become a professional photographer. Carol’s struggle to separate from her husband is one of her character’s key driving factors, and it is complicated greatly by her social standing.

Therese’s character is relatively lower class, she works in a department store and her apartment is small and dingy. Carol on the other hand is an older, unhappily married woman whose family (or at least her husband’s family) is extremely well off. The social structures we see surrounding the two women are very different, and we see how they affect the two women in different ways. Although she works hard to make it in the world, Therese’s social circles are much more accepting of her queer identity, and it is almost as if there is nothing to lose for her. However, for Carol there is everything to lose. Her daughter, Rindy, is the light of her life, but when she leaves Harge for a woman, he punishes her by forcing her to keep away from their daughter. Throughout the movie we see Harge’s vicious and determined homophobia and its direct negative effects on Carol, but unlike in other films, it does not destroy her will to love who she wants.

Despite the movie’s overall beautiful representation of a romantic relationship, there are several issues with the film. The book it is based off of was written by a Queer woman and the storyline of the film is blatantly queer, however neither of the starring Actresses in the movie are queer. This is a missed opportunity in terms of the film’s casting, particularly for the film’s queer audience and for the queer actresses who likely auditioned and were denied one of their few opportunities to play a queer character in a mainstream movie. Both Blanchett and Mara are fantastic actresses, however, this does not take away the fact that queer women could have been cast into the film’s starring roles. There were queer actresses in the film, namely Sarah Paulson, playing Carol’s friend Abby, and Carrie Brownstein, who played a woman Therese flirts with at a party, but their roles were relatively minor. Based on this, it can easily be said that the movie’s production is “merely satisfying demands for inclusion without actually challenging the larger structural and systemic labor issues.” (Martin, 2018).

One of the film’s US promotional posters.

In addition to its lack of inclusion of queer cast members, this movie is overwhelmingly white. Very, very few people of color were cast in this film, and the only characters who were played by people of color were playing the roles of domestic staff. This film could easily have provided more opportunities for actors of color, but it chose not to. For a movie whose storyline and direction are so openly inclusive and somewhat groundbreaking, this lack of diversity in casting is disappointing. Both Carol and Therese were complex characters, but as with many other movies and tv shows about queer people they do not represent much intersectionality. They are both white, cisgender, able-bodied lesbian women, and the only aspect of identity that the film deals with is sexuality. Carol also avoids many of the issues of gender discrimination that were present in the 1950s that could easily have made its’ storyline and character development more nuanced. It can be seen as almost the opposite of the Oscar winning film Moonlight (2016), which is entirely made up of complex, intersectional characters. Despite its inclusivity to sexuality, it turns a blind eye to aspects of identity such as race and disability that likely play an important role in the lives of many of its viewers. As well as this, despite its’ openly queer trailer, the posters for the film deliberately displayed the two main characters as facing different directions and looking away from each other. This could have been an intentional choice to convince less accepting heterosexual moviegoers to watch the film, and it also implies that the film’s homosexual content should be hidden.

The first time I saw this film, I was 16, and just beginning to think about my sexuality as something other than straight. I voraciously consumed tv and movies about Lesbian and Bisexual women, hoping to find something I related to and felt included in. Carol, and its rich and beautifully stylized cinematography, was one of the few movies that made me feel heard and understood and felt like home to me. 

A scene where we see how Therese views Carol.

Unlike other movies I had seen, such as Blue is the Warmest Color, this movie made me feel like it was made for me. I was able to relate to the romance and feel like I wasn’t alone in feeling the way I did about, likely because I am able to relate to the two characters in the film, particularly Therese. Like most other movies about queer women, this movie is directed at young, white, able-bodied, cisgender, middle-class queer women, of which I am one. It did not challenge my identity or the way I saw the world. Despite its many obvious flaws, to me the most important aspect of this movie was how it displayed the growing relationship between Therese and Carol in a way that felt relatable and evoked deep feelings that made me relive the intense and beautiful experiences of first love. 

References

Bernshoff, Harry and Griffin, Sean (2004). “Introduction,” in Queer Cinema: The Film Reader, 1-15.

Carol. (2020). Retrieved October 29, 2020, from https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2402927/awards?ref_=tt_awd

Doty, Alexander. (1993) “There’s Something Queer Here” in Making Things Perfectly Queer, 1-16.

Dow, Bonnie (2001). “Ellen, Television, and the Politics of Gay and Lesbian Visibility.” Critical Studies in Media Communication 18(2), 123-140.

Martin, Alfred L. Jr (2018). “Pose(r): Ryan Murphy, Trans and Queer of Color Labor, and the Politics of Representation.” LA Review of Books.

[aurora-daily]

A free bird

Interview: AURORA for Dagbladet Magazine (June 25th, 2019). Translated by fromthespaceamundo.

Anyone who loves Aurora Aksnes (23) will always come in second place.

THE FREEDOM OF FREEDOM: As a child, the record-breaking Aurora Aksnes (23) felt differently from other children. As an adult, she experiences the differentness as her greatest strength.

«It's art that keeps me up. And hunger. It's an eternal hunger.» says Aurora Aksnes.

From a red velvet sofa in a secluded corner of the Hotel Bristol, the pop artist has an overview of the buzzing room. Her third album A Different Kind of Human (Step 2) came on June 7, which got a 5 stars rating on Dagbladet and by Aftenposten was characterized as Aurora's most complete release so far. After the tour in South America, she is ready for festival summer and Norwegian tour. On June 28, she played at the Glastonbury Festival for her warriors & weirdos, the nickname she has given to her fans.

Since her artistic debut in 2014 and international breakthrough with a cover version of the Oasis song «Half the World Away», the 23-year-old has marked herself with self-written pop and distinctive talent for creating her own universe. She is acclaimed by artists like Katy Perry and has 570,000 followers on Instagram. The music press often portrays her as a kind of eccentric child, which is supported by the fact that Aurora appears barefoot in TV interviews, and privately has a fascination for moths and algae balls.

But she does not drink more than one beer, the concentration and strength of her blue gaze in combination with a low-pitched, clear voice, is more striking than her narrow sense of interest. Ever since she, as a 9-year-old, discovered the magic sounds that could be created with an old electronic keyboard she found on her parents' attic, Aurora has known the meaning of life:

«I could sacrifice all contact with others if I had to. I could sacrifice everything. I don't need anything else but to make music. Then I understand why I'm here.»

Aurora's lyrical universe is a lot about exclusion, but even though she writes about everything, from loneliness to suicide, outsiders are made into insiders in her songs, while the insiders appear as outsiders. On the title song, «A Different Kind of Human», she sings:

«We have come here for you, and we're coming in peace Mothership will take you higher, higher»

Is your own mothership hungry?

«In a way. Because hunger takes me where I am going to be.»

A different kind of human, what is that?

«Many people think that it is me because I have often felt different, but the lyrics have nothing to do with that. I ask people to make a choice and remind them that they can choose to be a different kind of human. If everybody had chosen it, the world would be a good place to live in.»

Have you chosen it yourself?

«Long ago.» Aurora responds calmly.

When did you choose it?

«When I realized I had a choice. I was a smart kid, so I noticed quickly that I am in place with people similar to me, but different. I had other dreams, interests and questions compared to the other kids. I remember thinking, ‘I don't belong here.’ At that time it felt negative, but I made a choice not to suppress it. I quickly removed the need to be understood and found the peace of mind that being alone is okay.»

At home, in the small town of Drange in the municipality of Os, the parents gave the youngest daughter room to be herself. Older sisters Miranda (32) and Viktoria Aksnes (29) were for some time afraid that the individualistic little sister, who used cut socks as arm warmers and make her own outfits, would be bullied. The problem was rather that the friends wanted more time with Aurora than she managed to give. After school, she was often out in the woods until her parents called her home for dinner with a bell.

«Mom and dad helped me be free. I was introverted as a kid, I was not so interested in people. I could sit alone for hours and thought it was great. I often chose to be alone rather than being with friends.»

When the family was to adopt a kitten from the Animal Protection Agency, Aurora had to choose. High up on a refrigerator, meowing alone, lay an old, a big and gray cat.

«I remember the first day of school. The kittens were like the other kids in the schoolyard with a lot of noise and nonsense. I recognized myself in Tulla.»

For the rest of her cat life, Tulla went to school bus stop daily to wait for Aurora and follow her through the forest towards home. It seemed that cats knew when she would show up, even though the schedule varied. Tulla never missed the moment.

«She didn't really like to be a tamed cat, but we had a strong connection.»

WAR OF WOMEN: Aurora Aksnes will give her fans, all the «warriors & weirdos», strength and acceptance to be themselves. Photo: Agnete Brun.

CURRENTLY:

•  Known under the artist name AURORA.  •  Newcomer of the year during the Spellemann Prize of 2015. Won the Spellemann Prize of 2016 in the best pop soloist category and also took the prize for best music video. •  Currently with the album «A Different Kind of Human (Step 2)». Sings on the Frozen 2 trailer. The film will premiere this fall.

One morning the Easter Bunny glowed from the couch in the living room, the next day it had found its way to the top of the roof. But when the rabbit joined Aurora Aksnes to the school and she entertained her classmates with colorful stories, a sudden sense of concern emerged in the classroom.

«The teachers thought I didn't understand the difference between reality and imagination,» recalls Aurora.

«They were worried about me. Then mom said, ’No, that's how she should be. And it's going to be her strength.’» The sense of alienation was lifted by her.

«It was very defining. It was the first time anyone was really up to me. I stood up for myself a lot, I never asked for help either. But at that time my mother stood up for me, and I have never forgotten that.»

To date, her mother's words work like a compass. Aurora stretches her flimsy arms out in front of her and slightly twists her wrists. Her glance glides at a beautiful, solid chandelier before returning.

«I knew there was a reason why I should cultivate a friendship with myself. I was going to need it. It is important that anyone who feels out of place gets a chance to see what understanding is for them in the world.»

She is most frightened to find that people do not understand what she means. She often meets a lack of understanding in depth. For Aurora, whose name means «the goddess of dawn», sunset and sunrise are not only a «a nice thing.» They are nature's short-lived works of art. Beautiful, but perishable, they give her both intense joy and sorrow.

«I think it is scary to perhaps never be fully understood. But maybe there is no real insider. Everyone experiences being an outsider, some just more than others. Acceptance is important in my world. And music... music is a healing instrument.»

CHILD PICTURE: A young Aurora Aksnes. Photo: Private.

NEWBORN: Dad Jan Øystein Aksnes with baby Aurora. Photo: Private.

REMEMBER THE TIME: Mom May Britt Aksnes works as a midwife and has encouraged her daughters to choose what feels right for themselves, rather than listening to others. Aurora herself feels like an alternative health worker: «Music is a healing instrument.» Photo: Private.

Ideally, she would have started rolling over the vacant floor space of the Bristol Library Bar, or asked someone to lift her up to be able to touch the crystals of the huge chandelier, but such impulses Aurora has learned to suppress. Guests are not allowed to put their feet on the tables.

«I have learned that the impulses can be unpleasant for people, but I have also learned when to give in to them. They can escalate if I feel insecure, but if it happens I consciously use them when there is something I do not want to talk about, or when I want to divert.»

FESTIVAL: A graduation-dressed mom May Britt, sisters Miranda, Aurora and Viktoria, as well as dad Jan Øystein Aksnes. Photo: Private.

This is how the 23-year-old makes twice as old music professionals listen. However, the leap from a natural western upbringing to the demands of an international artist was the toughest part. The NRK documentary Once Aurora (2018) reveals how Aurora has previously felt pressured to release music she does not care for and struggles to find the balance between closeness and distance to fans. She was discovered by chance when a friend posted a school video of a singing Aurora on Facebook.

«I never really wanted to become an artist. It just happened. There was a lot of pressure, a lot of sounds, a lot of work and a too much people for someone like me, who really likes the opposite. Then it helps if I have a meaning greater than myself, to see that I can help others. Making good music gives me a very special feeling. I get a sense of security in myself. I know why I'm here, what to fill the time with, and I have something to run after all the time. Something to look for that is inside me.»

Aurora puts a narrow hand on her chest and pauses a little before she continues with diligence:

«It is absolutely magical to have such a meaning in life. I never get completely unhappy when I have it. Suddenly I have people who listen, and I have a meaning in my lyrics, in who I am on stage, in that I suddenly want to write political stuff, not only emotional stuff.»

Aurora's message is: Help yourself before helping others. Stand on your own power. Be yourself.

«I learned this the hard way in a period when I was having a hard time. I struggled with panic anxiety when I was like 18-19 years old and saw how little functional I was, how little I was able to create, how little I could help others.»

The fact that she comes from a family where mental illness appears in several parts of the father's family, while artistic talent exists on both sides of the family, Aurora regards it as a strength. Her sister, Viktoria Aksnes, was diagnosed with bipolarity type 2 in the summer of 2016, and describes Aurora as one of the strongest people she knows and a great supporter.

«I learned early to be strong for others. And then I've learned a lot from my own journey in the world. I have traveled alone since I was 16. I have known grief and need, and the importance of being true to yourself,» says Aurora.

How did you get on your feet when you had panic anxiety?

«By giving myself time, not putting pressure on myself. Being kind to myself, I made sure I got what I needed to work on. You can't do anything for others until you are your perfect self. And this is not when you have many shadows.»

What were your shadows?

«They have been different things. But the biggest shadow was probably the shadow of my own success in 2016, which I didn't understand and didn't quite accept. I felt trapped in the reality that this is now a job. You're not your own secret anymore, you have to share yourself with the world, and that's the way it is.»

She stretches her arms, which are slightly clad in a cropped top under a mesh top that matches the tulle skirt over green harem pants. Aurora has mastered the art of looking simple and intricate at the same time. All her styling is done in collaboration with her older sisters: Miranda Aksnes — who she lives with in Bergen and who is often on tour with her — takes care of her makeup, while designer-educated Viktoria sews the stage attire.

«I'm stubborn and always making my own things. Magazines will often try to style me, but then I just say that I want what I like. I don't like people touching my face, only Miranda is allowed to. I do my hair myself, I do not like when people touch my hair either.»

What happens then?

«I can get really hot and then I get angry. I don't like being caught on that much. Hugging is hard. I need freedom and space. But I love people holding my hands, or taking my arm.»

Was that why you studied sign language as an elective?

Aurora, who dreamed of being a researcher in molecular biology, but dropped out from high school to spend full time on making music after the second grade, bursts into a vibrant laugh.

«Yes. I also liked the sign language because I stuttered a little. When I'm excited and girded, I still stutter, but the worst was when I had German, which is a choppy language.»

The stuttering started when Joop, a Dutch family friend and Aurora's confidant, died on Christmas Eve. During the Christmas service, the Aksnes family found out that he had died, and the funeral was held in the Christmas room. 11-year-old Aurora felt both her own sadness and the sadness of everyone around. It became so overwhelming and intense that she threw up afterwards.

«It was when I learned that funerals are not for me. It was absolutely awful Singing is easier than sitting on the benches and feeling your own and everyone else's pain. No, I do not like funerals, I get nothing out of them. Especially if the dead are young.»

They are many. When Aurora went to junior high school, her sister Viktoria lost a close friend. He was a 18 years old and died in bed by an undetected heart defect. At high school, Aurora's friend from the sign language class died in a traffic accident.

«I sang at my friend's funeral. She was kind, it was heavy.»

There was someone who committed suicide too?

«Yes, a friend of ours from Os. He was good, very good. And then I had one tho whom I was very close who died in Utøya. A boy I was in love with. He was lovely.»

Was he your boyfriend?

«We probably were, even though I was very young back then. I was 15 when he passed away. He was 17.»

The buzz in the room is increasing, but in Aurora's corner it is quiet. Suddenly she says:

«Eight days after someone I had been fond of passed away, I felt a presence. On every eight day it is if they were still here, and then no more. That's why track eight is always the title track on my albums. There is something magical about the number eight.»

You said you'd like to release eight albums?

«Yes. Even numbers are special to me: Eight is sad, eleven gives me more hope. My first album came out on the 11th. I can only have eleven songs on the album. And then track number eight is the most important one, always. I can't explain why, it's just like that and must be that way. You can find out a lot about me if you know that I love even numbers.»

She is also a warrior of love. Songs like «Queendom» have caused the LGBT community to embrace her music. The love society, Aurora calls it, who is open about her relationship with both men and women. The freedom to not define sexuality she feels is greater in her generation than among the elderly.

«I am very proud of that, because we put a label on everything. I think it is so lovely that we let love be love. Sometimes you need labels because you belong to a place, but I don't need it myself. I just feel that I am one of the many endorsers of love.»

Have you always known that you could fall for women?

«No, but I noticed that I could be captivated by them. Falling for a woman is different than falling in love with a man. A kind of mutual admiration. Something more intellectual.»

A sort of recognition?

«Yes, some kind of strength and admiration. I want to learn something from the women I fall for. With men it is perhaps a little more sexual. It is interesting to note that there is a difference.»

AURORA AKSNES

•  Born: June 15, 1996. •  Family: Mother, father and two sisters. I don't want to say I'm single, but I don't have a boyfriend. I'm in love. •  Best feature: Independence. •  Worst feature: I can be stubborn. But the best and the worst is that I am very emotional. •  Reads: Only fantasy. •  Listens to: Enya and heavy metal. I often fall asleep to heavy metal. It's heavy and delicious to listen to. •  Watching: Ghibli films, from Japan. Spirited Away. If I need to cry, I watch The Grave of the Fireflies. It's sad. •  Being provoked by: Injustice. •  Admires: People's ability to cope with the invisible obstacles. •  Afraid of: Dying before I have made eight albums. I'm very afraid of that, because I have to do that. •  Dream destination: Moon. •  To do in ten years: Maybe album number eight.

«I sang at my friend's funeral. It was heavy.»

- Aurora Aksnes (23), artist.

How are those you fall for? Do they also have algae in the fridge?

Aurora laughs at the hint of the algae ball Igor Septimus, who recently passed away in a glass of water because she had forgotten to place him in the cool and the apartment became too hot and dry for five weeks of absence.

«No, but there are often people who are free too. I like strong, stubborn ladies. I love the world to have such ladies, and I treat myself to have such a lady in my life. It is an extra spiritual thing with women that creates curiosity.

That you are hungry and can do without anything other than art? How are you at loving others?

«I think I'm hard to love. It must be difficult learning to be loved a little less than to be hungry. You always come in second place.»

Are you honest about this with those you have been with?

«I have been.»

How have they taken it?

«I haven't had so many lovers in my life so far. I love a lot and can fall fast. But then it fades over quickly because nothing can match what I feel when I make music.»

Aurora is looking for the words that can describe the indescribable.

«It is the closest thing I have to anything divine, I think. I can only find a lover who understands it. One who has passion. One who also knows what it means to create something. One with the same hunger. That can be the weird art of appreciating oneself. And they must know that music is under number one. Everything else comes afterwards. Even if I had children.»

Then the children would be...

«...number two. I know that. I have a lot of love in me, and I think I could be a good mother. I want a child who can inherit the house at Drange, which my father has built, and we, the daughters, will surely take over. That's what I'm thinking of. I don't know if that is good enough reason», she comments.

«But I had probably struggled with the conscience because I haven't managed to take a break from the studio during the whole day. It's a nice feeling that I want to give my mom and dad a grandchild, but for the time being I have no room for anything but music.»

To keep control, Aurora has learned to play various instruments and started producing her own music. The toughest thing she has had to realize is that she can not totally reproduce her own visions.

«I hear sounds that do not exist yet. So it is not entirely possible to reproduce what I have inside me, and I have accepted that. But I'm going to work a whole life to make it happen.»

FUTURE DREAM: «I dream of buying and living on my own island in Hordaland. There I will have cats, chickens and wild sheep and make music.» says Aurora. Photo: Agnete Bun.

«Falling for a woman is different than falling in love with a man.» «I'm hard to love. You always come in second place»

- Aurora Aksnes

Translator's Note: special credits for agenahadar from the Warriors and Weirdos forum for sharing the original article in Norwegian language.